Daggone Birthday (again)

Yesterday I turned 34.  It hardly seems possible, even as I type it.  I feel so old and yet I can't imagine where all this time has gone.

As birthdays go, this one was my typical lame day.  If you know anything about me, you know I dread and hate my birthday.  I really really do. (I have pretty good reason, since I've had sucky ones for about 5 years running now.)  It wasn't bad as a regular day goes, so I can't really complain.  It just wasn't special.  It wasn't anything.  It was just a day.  Same as all the others. Two good things though, before I make you think it was entirely crappy... I had lunch with my Mom, aunt Paula, and Grandma (who shares my birthday, and turned 78 yesterday).  And the boys made me a cute little card. 

Mom and aunt Paula attempted to make me some cupcakes, but they didn't bake right, sunk in the middle, and then all the icing fell off in the box.  So that's a bummer.

I guess I should stop having birthdays altogether.  I try so hard every year not to let myself have any expectations whatsoever.  It's hard to be disappointed when you expect nothing.  But then again, it would be nice to have a special day without having to ask for it. You know?  I would really love it if one of these years my husband would 1) remember that it's even happening, 2) plan something even remotely special.  Or at this point I'd settle for a card, sign, balloon, flower, breakfast, text message, phone call, or anything.  I don't want him to spend money on me, really.  I'm not even asking for a gift.  I just want to know he knows and that he cares.  It's stupid and I feel like a loser for even talking about it.  Blech. This sucks.

And so I'm protesting against any and all further birthdays. As far as I'm concerned we can skip September 24th entirely.

Summer Sunset

In the Summertime I get this romantic notion about sunsets. For me there is something about the time of day when the haze starts to settle over the fields, and the hot sticky air begins to cool, and the smell of the earth and blooming things - it just makes me nostalgic. This is one thing Indiana has going for it. And I LIVE to catch a beautiful sunset on camera. So you'll find me, many evenings, speeding down country roads to my favorite sunset viewing spots to catch the perfect glimpse. These were some favorite snaps from tonight.

New Baby

I got a new baby last week!  I'd like to introduce you to Miss 7D.  I'd like to name her, but haven't come up with anything suitable yet. I'm SUPER excited about this new addition to my photography adventure!  I can't wait to learn everything there is to know about how to use her!  Yay!

BIG {photography} adventures!

So, I photographed a wedding yesterday...
The date was 7-7-12.
The temperature was 107.
I probably drank 107 ounces of water.
I didn't go to the bathroom all day.
I think I almost had a heat stroke. No, really.
I was so disappointed that I cried.
People were hot [duh] and cranky and did not want their pictures taken.
I had about 15 minutes alone with the bride.
The wedding chapel was pitch dark.
I had never used a speedlight before, so that was no bueno.
The bride and groom wanted to hurry up and get out of the heat afterward so I got about 15 minutes alone with them too.
I am not pleased with the way their photos turned out.
I know I could have done better.
I'm not just saying that. I really HAVE done better. Lots of times.
I only got about 12 usable shots from my second shooter. Not exactly worth the money I paid him.
But my assistant was worth her weight in gold.
Despite the frustration and exhaustion from the day, I can't wait to do it again.

I will post photos to my photography site soon.

Things I want to learn as soon as possible:

- how to use my histogram
- to set up custom white balance using a gray card
- to calibrate my p.c. screen
- why I'm having such a hard time getting sharp focus with my 50/1.4!!!  Is there a fingerprint or something? ugh!
- how to use layers and masking, and while I'm at it, maybe I'll learn how to use CS5 and Elements since I have them and they just sit there in my computer being totally lazy.

I'm going to learn these things this Summer, you betchur bottom. That is all.

workin' it

Week two begins. 4:30 a.m. still comes reeeeally early.  This morning I should have probably weighed in, but I didn't. "Body Blast" continues to kick my sorry butt.  However, I am happy to report that it doesn't kick my butt nearly as hard on week two as it did the first few times.  I can feel my endurance and strength building.  So I guess progress is being made.  I'm just not ready to see it on a scale quite yet.  Maybe next week this time.

I'm not "Granola"

I am not a "Granola" Mom. Or one of those environmentalists.  But I do...

make my own laundry detergent.
made homemade baby food for my children.
go barefoot in Summer.
cloth diaper my baby.
line dry my clothes.
use homemade all natural cleaning products.
compost.
garden.
recycle.
shop with reusable shopping bags.
make homemade applesauce.
breastfed my babies.
make my own baby wipes.
don't use the air conditioner.
shop at roadside farm stands.

So I guess I'm a little granola.  But not much.
Because I do wear deodorant and shave my legs.

There really has to be a balance to things in life, I think.

Seeking first

I've done 11 shoots in under a week. 3 more coming up this week. And I still have a "day job" plus a family to look after when I'm not "working" (haha). Oh yes I'm loving it, to be sure. But you guys, I'm tiggity-iggered. I'm seeing signs of neglect in my home (that pile mountain of laundry. dirty bathroom, eww.) and I'm hearing complaints from my husband. I need to find balance in all this.

When this photography adventure began I thought I might be lucky to do one shoot a month, maybe two. But I'm busier than I ever dreamed. What I love about the whole situation is that I didn't force it. I didn't set out to pursue photography or drum up business. There was never a moment when I said "You know what, I think I'll be a photographer now". I just made myself available to whatever happened. I've given my best effort and now I'm having a blast! And I'm learning so much (the more you learn, the more you understand that you don't know anything!). The most wonderful part is that I'm seeing the Lord's hand in this. It's clear to me that I'm going the direction He wants me to go. I just need to work on being a better steward of my time.

For now I'll keep on doing my best, ingesting all things photography, and trying to balance my family and work. But you know what... "Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." So what I really need to pouring myself into is knowing, loving, obeying, and seeking after my Lord. Then whatever else comes my way, I know I trust Him for it.

Big days ahead!

Big day around these parts! We have lots of stuff going on. Such as...

Ezekiel took off walking at church this morning after Bible study and hasn't slowed down since. We had been saying for weeks that once he figures out he can do it there will be no stopping him! It's so cute to see.

My Mom's birthday is next week and Dad surprised her tonight at dinner with the announcement that they were leaving in 2 hours for Destin (their favorite place!). She was so surprised! I had already packed their bags and gotten all their snacks for the road. So all she had to do was make sure it was all there and load it into the car. They left 2 hours ago so they'll be on the beach for sunrise in the morning. I'm thrilled for them!

I'm planning a fund raiser for the missionaries supported by my church. I'll be doing 14 mini photo sessions on October 29th with the proceeds going to our mission fund. It's thrilling and frightening at the same time. I feel very ill equipped. But I realize this is what God has been asking me to do for quite a while, and as I step out in obedience He will provide what I need. Plus, it just feels so good to be in His will. You know? Read more info about that here.

I'm about to get involved with a really exciting project through one of our missionaries, Marco and Sherrie deFelice in Italy. They are working on making videos to teach English as a second language. Part of this includes using photos to reinforce vocabulary words, which is where I come in. I'll be given assignments - lists of objects or actions needed, and I'll take the photos and send them to Marco to be included in the lessons. I love the opportunity to help with the project, to gain experience, and learn along the way. I've already received my first assignment and can't wait to get started!

It's a'going.

Things with my little photog venture are getting pretty steady. I've had shoots the last several weekends, was supposed to have one today but it got rain delayed (it’s been pouring non-stop for 48 hours here!).

This coming week is going to be busy! I have a newborn session on Tuesday, 2 toddlers on Thursday, 2 sessions; a family and a couple on Saturday, and a 6 month old on Sunday. Whew. If I’m not tired after that it will be a miracle. But this is really so much fun! I’m just throwing myself into learning everything I can about photography technique, how to understand light, use my camera the best way, give people a good session experience, edit, etc. I am praying that God blesses the efforts of my hands and allows me to continue. I’m just starting and I’m having a blast!

Also, I’m about to die waiting for my new lens to arrive. Should be tomorrow maybe? It's gonna be a fun week. Updates to come on the photography blog!

33 seems okay so far

[traditional Italian cream cake for my birthday]

Despite the pouring rain and beginnings of colder weather, today wasn't half bad. If you know me and my history with birthdays, this is no small feat.

I spent most of the day with my Mom, the boys, my sister Chyna, and her son just hanging out and playing with the kids. We cooked and there was cake... oh, the yummiest cake you'll ever eat! Thanks Mom!

Manny had to work today, but this evening he took me out for a delish dinner at Bonefish. Then we went to buy my tripod - his birthday gift to me. (Of course, while at Targe7 I picked up 3 cute new tops too.)

From Mom and Dad, Gloria, (and some of the money I've been saving up from photo shoots) I ordered my new lens online a few days ago. I can't wait for it to arrive! It's 28mm f/2.8. Not the fastest they make in a 28mm, but fast enough for me, for the price.

So, I guess we're off to a pretty good start for this year of my life.
Now, Bed.

Oh ugh.

There are times when I feel truly embarrassed about trying to learn and do photography. Right. I'm nuts because that's a ridiculous way to feel. I guess its because I know how far I need to come. And I'm completely aware of where I would like to improve. At least I'm under no false pretense that I'm some sort of professional or anything. I don't know why I feel that by my mentioning my pursuit of a dream should make me want to offer some sort of apology about it. As if my doing so is offensive to anyone at all. Is it?

Goodness sakes. I'm such a dork. This is how I always felt about speaking Spanish too. There was always someone who knew more, could trill the r just a little bit better, had a more authentic accent (but mine was pretty nice), or what-have-you. And no matter how fluent I became, or how fast I could congugate a verb, or figure out the blessed subjunctive tense (I loathe it) I never felt confident. I was always thinking about that one person who probably would know exactly when I would make a mistake. Who would be thinking to herself how much better she was than me. And the mere thought of being not quite perfect made me shy away from my passion for the language. When what I should have done was admit to myself that I was gifted in that area, try to grow as much as possible, and be thankful for the abilities I have. But oh no, I had to always be comparing myself to the rest. When will I ever learn?

I think I need to do a little getting over it, and quick. I can't go through life always sizing myself up against everyone else. I need to follow my path regardless of what I think anyone else thinks about it. And if truth be told, I bet no one else even has an opinion this way or that. I need to stop feeling so self-conscious and relax. I need to be happy with what opportunities I've been given and make the most of them. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect. Stop being internally critical. I'm giving myself a headache. I think I've been grinding my teeth at night too.

I mean, for crying out loud. I did two shoots today and both people were very happy with their photos. And it's all about meeting those expectations. Um, hum.

So that's what's on my mind this evening. Que te vaya bien.

realizing goals

I mentioned before how my husband is doing P90X. He's one month into it and has lost 13 pounds, and 2 inches around the tummy. (which is 33% of the way to his goal) I'm so proud of him! He's been working so hard at eating right and exercising. Go Manny! His hand continues to improve too. He is slowly gaining strength and mobility in it.

And as for me, I ordered a new lens yesterday... 50mm f/1.8. It's not too expensive, but I've read good things about it. And I cannot wait to get it and start practicing. I have 2 shoots this weekend and maybe I'll be practiced enough by then to use it! Oh, I hope! And I ordered 3 filters too: a UV, a Polarized, and a Fluorescent. Fun stuff.

Next on my wish-list: a tripod (not a huge deal), the 85mm f/1.8, and the designated lens hood for my 50mm.

insecure

I ordered some sample business cards today. They're pretty cool. But doing so makes me kind of nervous. What if I'm jumping the gun? What if no one really wants me to photograph them and I'm making a big mistake? Am I delusional to think I could ever be successful with this little photography endeavor? Am I knowledgeable and creative and talented enough? Yikes!!

I've just been second-guessing the heck out of myself for the past week. Since I "went public" I've scheduled a handful of sessions for the upcoming month... and that's so unbelievably cool! I'm stunned, really. I've been really devoting the situation to the Lord, asking for His guidance and approval before I really take off running. But I've learned that sometimes you have to step out in faith a little bit. You know? And I think I have. Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm just insecure. But I know that I'm doing my best to go where He leads. And for my part, I'm giving it all my gusto.

I'm afraid I'll jinx it if I say it out loud.

I almost don't even want to mention this, but it's searing a hole into my brain and if I don't get it out I'll go nutzo. By the way, I don't really believe in jinxes. (Is that the proper spelling?... jinxes or would jinx plural just be spelled jinx? anyway.)

You know that a few weeks ago I took some family photos for my friend Shelley [posted here and here]. I posted a few to face.book and got several people ask if I would do their family's too. Of course I agreed. So yesterday I took some for my friend Samantha. After posting some of my favorites to face.book again the response I got was crazy - wonderfully exciting, and slightly surprising! I have been asked by 5 more people to set up sessions in the near future! Plus, most of those people mentioned that they have other friends or family who are also interested! I know, right? I'm still shaking my head. I did not solicit this "business" or even really advertise the fact that I would/could do it. But somehow the word spread. And it's so much fun! I'm thrilled and astonished that anyone would wish to pay me for something I love to do.

I'm wondering if this is a "God thing", you know. The kind of providence that "happens" upon you. Or coincidence? But then, I don't believe in coincidence. Maybe just dumb luck? Nope, I don't do luck either. Well, shoot. That settles it. I guess I'll just pursue this photography thing and see where it leads. If nothing else, I will enjoy doing it. And maybe a few people will be blessed by the effort. I say, bring it on!

"Whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." ~Colossians 3:23-24

P.S. I've added a photography page link (up there on the top). Check it out!

BIG weekend!

We had a busy weekend so I have tons of stuff to talk about this morning. Here goes.

I'm working on getting Elijah enrolled for Pre-K at Sacred Heart (A little late? yes!). It will start in September, which I much prefer over this craziness of starting in the middle of the Summer! He can't wait! He keeps asking if its September yet.

Yesterday Elijah turned 4!!!!!!! That's another post in itself.

Ezekiel cut 2 more teeth yesterday... the bottom left lateral incisor, and the upper left lateral incisor. The bottom right lateral incisor peeked out on 7/28. That makes 8 now.

Manny is starting back to work today after being gone since April. (Hallelujah!!!)

I did a "photo shoot" for a friend and her family on Saturday. So much fun! It was a birthday gift for her mother-in-law. I'm very pleased with how the photos turned out. More importantly, they are all thrilled with them so that makes me feel really good. I'll post a couple shots later.

I'm planning a very special top secret anniversary gift for Manny. We'll be celebrating 12 years on Sunday. I bet you would never guess what it is in a million years! I can't even believe it myself!

Does anyone still read my blog? I know it's just for me anyway, but I just wonder.

RAW photography! Say what?

I have officially discovered the fun of shooting in RAW format. What the heck took me so long? I nearly passed out from the awesomeness of it the first time I reviewed the photos!

Now, can someone please explain how to edit in RAW? I have a feeling that's where all the magic happens.

chip-chop

My Mom and I went yesterday to use part of our gift certificates for a new salon to get our hair-did. (We still get to go for massages, facials, and something else.)

I don't know about you, but I always feel like a new person when I get my hair chopped off. And I guess this time I wanted to feel like a really new person, because she chopped almost all of it off. This is the shortest I've ever had my hair. And I LOVE the feel of it. Just right for this hot hot humid weather.

Emboldened

That's how I was feeling yesterday. I had my tax return in hand (actually, in my bank account) and a dream in my heart. Or really, what I had was a dream about dreaming in my heart.

I'd been wanting a new mattress something terrible for months... maybe since I was pregnant with Zeke. My parents bought me the mattress we had even before Manny and I were engaged. It was old and sagging and falling apart! My back and neck and shoulders ache every single morning when I get up. I'm tired the second my feet hit the floor. I needed some relief.

Except, I'm about the least impulsive shopper you'll ever meet. It took me 3 years to buy new shoes, remember? But I psyched myself up, did a little online research, and then just made up my mind to indulge!

So I took my emboldened self out yesterday and bought a new FANTASTIC mattress. It's the first luxurious thing I think I've ever purchased for myself. I am totally in love with it. And if you think that's crazy, just come over to my house and plop your tired aching bones onto it for five minutes and you'll too fall in love. I'm not exaggerating.

Afterward I decided this is one heck of a Mother's Day gift from Manny to me... even though Manny had nothing to do with its purchase. I don't even care who its from, so long as I get to enjoy it.

Now, if you'll excuse me.
I have some z's to catch. :)

{In case you'd like to know, it's a Sealy Posturepedic like this one.}

A Decision

I've been thinking and praying about doing something that may seem silly to some people. But to me, I feel like God wants me to make this change in order to strengthen my family, grow my relationship with Him, and weed out some of the unnecessary clutter from my life.

Spring is a good time to de-clutter, don't you think? I take satisfaction in going through closets and drawers, throwing out things that weigh me down mentally and emotionally. It's just refreshing to sweep away the cobwebs every now and again. And this is part of my spiritual Spring-cleaning.

So, starting May 1st I'm saying goodbye to Face6ook for the Summer. (maybe even after that) I feel really good about the decision. I already have a sense of greater freedom and emotional lightness.

I look forward to spending more quality time with my guys, keeping house, cooking meals, having play-dates, enjoying the fresh air, spending time in God's Word, and focusing on what really matters to me this Summer.