A Decision

I've been thinking and praying about doing something that may seem silly to some people. But to me, I feel like God wants me to make this change in order to strengthen my family, grow my relationship with Him, and weed out some of the unnecessary clutter from my life.

Spring is a good time to de-clutter, don't you think? I take satisfaction in going through closets and drawers, throwing out things that weigh me down mentally and emotionally. It's just refreshing to sweep away the cobwebs every now and again. And this is part of my spiritual Spring-cleaning.

So, starting May 1st I'm saying goodbye to Face6ook for the Summer. (maybe even after that) I feel really good about the decision. I already have a sense of greater freedom and emotional lightness.

I look forward to spending more quality time with my guys, keeping house, cooking meals, having play-dates, enjoying the fresh air, spending time in God's Word, and focusing on what really matters to me this Summer.

Resolving

It's about that time again. The time when we take personal inventory, reflect upon where we are, and set goals for the coming months. I don't think I actually articulated a "New Years Resolution" last year. But I kept notes in my journal of things I wished to accomplish. I'll admit I didn't come very far with the list. However, the Lord led me through some incredibly deep valleys by the hand and taught me a few unexpected lessons. So the detour was perhaps worth it. I will mention, though, a couple of pretty big accomplishments.

1. NATURAL CHILDBIRTH! Um, hellooooooo. Need I go any farther? Because that was a monumental feat in and of itself. Am I right, ladies?
   
2. I lost 15 pounds. (from pre-pregnancy) Still 15 more to go. But we're on the way.
3. I think I've allowed myself to become more teachable. I've learned some things about true contentment in Christ and how fleeting the things of this world are.
4. My husband found employment. (Yes, I know this wasn't my accomplishment, but it greatly effects me and was on my "2010 to do list" so I'll count it.)
   

I want to set goals this year that I can continually progress in, not just in 2011. I want my loved ones to see a marked difference in me in these areas. And I feel like these are things God truly calls me to change. I know they seem sort of lofty, but you have to start somewhere. So here are my 2011 resolutions.

1. To worship the Lord Jesus with a pure heart, giving Him the firstfruits of my time and my treasure.
2. To serve my husband with Christlike love and kindness.
3. To nurture my children with gentleness, Godly wisdom, energy, creativity, and selflessness every hour of the day.
4. To be a better friend and make a new one.
5. To be the kind of person that I pray for my boys to become. (Godly, wise, generous, kind...)

May the Lord honor these and help me accomplish them.

Do you have a purpose?

I ATTEND A LADIES Bible study at church every Thursday morning. We are working through a book called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment, by Linda Dillow. And I love it! (You should read it too!) Each week I walk away so encouraged, convicted, and motivated to grow in my God-given roles as wife and mother. It's so good. It just makes me want to do better, to know better, to be better. Have I mentioned that I love it?

So.

This week's study was all about identifying your purpose. Not in a hokey way, like "what's the meaning of life?" or anything. But in a down-to-earth way like evaluating what we want our lives to look like in God's eyes, how we make changes to get there, and such.

Part of the homework included a little self-evaluation and deep thinking. She asked us to decide upon and write a mission statement, or purpose statement for this chapter in our lives. (Because as we grow our statements should evolve.)

This was really challenging for me. Partly because I'm not very good at self-evaluation. Partially because it required quite a bit of uninterrupted thinking time (which I rarely get). It's just that there are so many areas where I know I need to grow, it's near impossible to put my finger on one particular point, or set of scripture, or character trait. But I prayed for revelation and the Lord answered. I've come to understand that its ok for [God in] us to work on one or two things at a time. We aren't required to write out a list of every single issue and fix them all at once. How overwhelming and discouraging would that be? It's just one day at a time. And for me, more like one hour at a time. Praise God for progressive sanctification. Amen? and amen.

I've made the point for a while now of trying to really and truly appreciate and enjoy every day I've been given with my little guys. Some days are difficult with juggling work, home, and family responsibilities. Sometimes I get overloaded and feel like I need a break. But even when I want to pull my hair out, Elijah is being disobedient, or the baby is fussy I try to stop and remind myself how quickly they grow up.

This season in our lives will pass by so quickly. I don't want to wish it away or fly through it in a fog of busyness. I want to slow down enough to spend quality time with them. I want to hold my babies close, smell their hair, kiss their faces, engage with their every-day moments, play trains and work puzzles, make living room tents, hold hands as we walk, teach them about Jesus, sing silly songs, share peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and snuggle them for as long as they'll possibly let me. I count it my honor to be raising these two boys.

Mothering doesn't happen by accident. Nurturing little lives takes hard work and long hours. It's an exhausting job, but is filled with some of the greatest rewards this life can offer. That is why the purpose statement for this hour of my life revolves heavily around my family. It's where God has placed me right now. I want to make it my aim to improve upon my role as mother... living each day intentionally. To love intentionally. To teach intentionally. To discipline intentionally. To feed, clothe, bathe, encourage, and laugh with intentionally. And above all, to honor God in it. It's a tall order really. But I know the source of my strength, and thankfully it's not all up to me.

So, what's your purpose? Or had it even occurred to you that you have one? Well, I can tell you, you do!

On changing perspective

I was thinking last night that I'd like to get back to writing about interesting lighthearted things that people like to read. You know, like back in the good old days, before I had an unemployed husband, a sick dad, a baby on the way, and a to-do list 15 miles long. Back when my only problems were... oh wait. I've always had problems, haven't I? Thinking about it now... 2 years ago we owned two houses, paid two mortgages and two sets of utilities, I worked 50+ hours per week, commuted over an hour a day, barely saw my baby boy, had an unemployed husband, lived 3.5 hours from my family, and had one of the most stressful jobs in the world. (No, seriously. It is on the top 10 most stressful jobs list. Just behind air-traffic controller.) So I guess things are just about the same as they've always been for me.

So when exactly does life get easier? Because it seems like I've always been waiting for that next thing that would make things different. Like in younger years I waited to find my husband. Then I waited for the wedding. Then I waited to graduate from college. (Yes, in that order!!) Then waited for a good job. Then to buy a house. Then have a baby... waited a LONG time for that one! 8 years. Then sell a house. Then move closer to family. Then get out of debt (still working on that). Then for my husband to find a "real" job. Or really just any job - I'm not picky. Then the birth of the new baby. Elijah's birthday. Manny's family to come visit. Then, then, then...

I feel like my sister. Her entire existence is consumed with planing for the next major event... right now it's her senior trip, then graduation, then summer time, then her family reunion, then vacation to the beach, then fall festival, Halloween, thanksgiving, her birthday, Christmas, etc. etc. Don't we all do the same thing in our own way though?

I guess it all comes down to making the choice to be content no matter where you are in life. If you're always waiting for the next best thing you'll never be thankful for where you are now. And truthfully when I try to be thankful for where I am now I find it very hard. Nobody wants to walk a difficult road -- to see a loved one suffer terrible pain, to wonder where the finances will come from to pay the next bill.

So each time I find myself doubting, being anxious, or grieving for myself, I have to purposely redirect my thoughts. I have to "preach" to myself that my ways are not HIS ways. My thoughts are not HIS thoughts. And what I want to happen may not be God's will. In stead I must see that all we have is mercy. Every day we are given is purely mercy. Every trial and blessing are gifts and opportunities to grow. His mercy is new every morning and great is His faithfulness.

I've been meditating on something recently which has really helped my perspective. 3 truths about God that I believe with all my heart yet must daily remind myself of.

- God is ALL powerful and sovereign. He controls everything. Every single thing. He is fully capable of moving mountains and healing every wound, but sometimes He does not. In His infinite wisdom sometimes He allows pain because only He knows the master plan.

- But despite the way things appear in my limited vision I have come to believe that God is good. Always, always, always good. And not just good in a general sense. But good to me. And works good for me. And wants the best in my life.

And though those first two things are plenty. He would never need to add to them, but He has. So not only is He totally in control and totally good, but all that has to become personal.

- Because I know God loves me. All the sovereignty in the universe would be worthless and all the goodness one could imagine would never mean anything unless God loved me. And when you put all 3 of those things together I can rest. And my heart can be at peace because I am His. I know that the all-powerful, perfectly good, God of the universe also loves me. And that means that nothing that ever happens to me is outside the filter of His love for me. The same goes for my family, and anyone else who are His. What a comfort.

Now, if I could only learn change my perspective to walk in that all the time.

thankfulness as a cure for the blues

I believe it is common knowledge that when you are feeling down and sorry for yourself, you should focus on the blessings in your life. And so, since I've hit a pretty rough patch lately, I know what I need to do. It's all about turning your attention God-ward rather than self-ward. (And that's a hard thing to do at times!) So, as an act of the will, today I bring you what I am thankful for...

1. feeling my baby kick and move
2. the month of March - finally having hope for SPRINGTIME warmth!
3. having time away with my husband over the weekend
4. that Elijah says "Mommy, please sing to me just a little bit more."
5. good Godly friends who encourage and pray for me when I need it
6. hugs and kisses from my two best guys!
7. hearing Elijah play by himself and talk to his cars, trains, animals, blocks, etc.
8. the smell of Johnson's baby shampoo
9. sticky little hand prints on every surface of my home
10. the pitter-patter of little feet scampering around the house
11. saying goodnight prayers with my sweet sweet son
12. that my husband had my oil changed for me
13. when Elijah says "Oh yeah, that will be perfecto!"
14. that I have a job (this is no small thing)
15. Dr. Pepper

I'm leaving off all the spiritual stuff because writing all that down would take all day and I'd still never cover it all. Suffice it to say that I am blessed "with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ". (Eph. 1: 3)

Over and out.

09:09 09/09/09

Wow, you'd think something magical would happen today because of all the nines. But alas, it's just a regular Wednesday.

I remember 09/09/99 -- less than a month after Manny and I had gotten married. It was a gorgeous day, much like today. I had a little time between classes at USI and I was laying on a bench in a courtyard soaking up some sun. I got to thinking about an article I had read in a Christian magazine by a fairly well-known apologist. He was discussing the great likelihood of the return of Christ on that very day. I can't even recall the details any more. But I never believed it. And while I wholeheartedly believe that someday... maybe very soon... Christ will literally return, I never thought it would be then. Admittedly though, I did feel just a slight twinge of hope as I lay there looking into the bright blue sky that day.

I didn't believe it for two main reasons: Jesus said we could not know the day or hour of his return. So attempting to pinpoint it would be counterproductive and futile. And because I seriously doubt that God keeps to our calendar.

Where am I going with this?
Hang on, you'll see.

So, what of that well-known apologist?

Well, I suppose he's pretty embarrassed for one thing. But for another, he never made any out-right promises, only guesses. I think he was just hopeful, like I am some days. There are days when I've had enough of life and I pray, 'Lord, if you would go ahead and rapture me on outta' here today, that would be just awesome! But if not, that's okay too.'

Interestingly, there have been so many times when other men with large audiences have made predictions (on all sorts of topics) which have never come true. In many cases sadly, leading others into false doctrine and dire eternal consequences. I've been reading a lot about one such man recently.

So, how do we know a false prophet then? You would think that might be a pretty tough question to answer, wouldn't you? But no. It's one of the easier questions out there.

You know a prophet is false if his prophecies don't come true. Duh, right? It seems so simple and straight-forward. But would you believe that there are MILLIONS of people out there today who buy in to the lies of false prophets!? Its unconscionable! Its infuriating! But mostly its just very very sad.

What a challenge, then, to know the truth so that you can discern the lies. People, we need to study God's Word for ourselves... learn it... trust it... believe it... so that we can use it as the standard by which to know if someone is trying to lead us astray!

ahem.

[steps down off soap box]

Just what that had to do with 09/09/09 I'm not sure. Other than the fact that when I see 09/09/19 appear on the calendar ten years from now, I would pray and hope that I would be more firmly grounded in The Word, always building on the principles of the Gospel, and growing daily. That sounds like a good ten-year-plan, don't you think?

Ok, now get going!

56 years

Today is my dad's fifty-sixth birthday. Or rather, he turned 56 today... this is technically his fifty-fifth birthday I guess. But anyhoo... This post is not really about my dad, but I thought I'd mention it.

In fact, this post isn't really about anything, so I figured that was as good a title as I could come up with, having so little actual content.

This morning a contractor came to our house to estimate the cost to repair our crappy/falling apart/ disaster waiting to happen old foundation. (I anxiously await his input on how much this will cost us.) It needs to be fixed before we can concentrate on any of the other improvements to our house. After that's done we need new windows BAD through the whole downstairs. Then we need new cabinets and counter tops in the kitchen. Then we need to completely redo the downstairs bathroom. Then insulate under the house and in the exterior walls. And insulate the pipes under the house. Then fix the damaged places in the hardwood floors. Then... oh THEN... we need to build a garage into the side of the hill. Oh shoot! How could I forget, we need to excavate the yard to make flat areas to better accommodate gardening and playing (because our whole yard totally slopes directly into the lake, which does not bode well for small children).

Of course all that stuff is going to cost major dollars. So, we're just taking baby steps. Foundation first. Then the rest. Hey, that's kind of a life lesson isn't it? Hmm.

Oh also, today I ventured into the wild arena known as retail sales in hopes to locate and purchase a suitable piece of swimwear. Ha! Who am I kidding? Talk about discouraging. Let me present you with the following mathematical equation.

Post-child-bearing-body + toddler + no gym membership + lack of energy = NOT CUTE IN SWIMWEAR.

end of story.

So in stead of spending money on something I would ultimately never look good in, I decided to forgo the suit and head straight home to drown my sorrows in a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream. Ok, no. That last part was a lie, but it sounded funny. Right?

But I did have one scoop of chocolate ice cream after dinner.

And maybe tomorrow I'll wake up extra early and start that whole running thing I've been meaning to do.

nothing but the facts

We leave for California in slightly less than 5 days.

I need to pack for myself, my child, and my husband (because he's a terrible packer).
My house must be cleaned.
7 loads of laundry are waiting on the floor of the closet to be washed and (line) dried.
My sheets need to be changed so I have a fresh bed when I return home from a long day of travel.
Arrangements need to be made with my mail carrier.
My refrigerator ought to be emptied of its contents.
A talk needs to be had with my neighbor to watch my house for suspicious persons - you know who you are!
The grass really should be cut, but accomplishing that is questionable.
Care needs to be taken of my cats (thank goodness they live outdoors now!).
I must remember to turn down the water heater and furnace.
Snacks for the trip will be purchased tomorrow.
DVDs for Elijah to watch will be obtained from the library this weekend.
The borrowing of Ragon's DVD player needs to be figured out.

Oh, and aside from trip-related chores, I CANNOT DELAY ANY LONGER IN PREPARING MY TAXES! I have to drop them off with my accountant today.

And, I have to figure out that whole stupid mess** with the dentist's office not sending a HUGE bill off to the proper insurance company within the allotted 15 months in order to have my claim honored. And now there is a possibility that I'll have to foot the entire bill. Grrr.

** See dictionary under: nightmare.

And Babies Don't Keep

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton (1958)

-----------------------------------

I read this on MckMama's blog the other day and thought it was good enough to share with anyone who is or wants to be a Momma. Despite all our misadventures, these days are precious and I would not trade the dirty diapers, snotty noses, clutter, teething, or tantrums for anything in all the world!! This is the highest of all callings.

One hundred things to do before I die:

In lieu of the New Year and my recent resolution to LIVE life with purpose, conviction, and without regrets, I have made a "bucket list" of sorts; things I want to accomplish, see, do, change, be, enjoy (not necessarily in this order)...

Some are long-term, some are short-term, some are ongoing lifestyle changes, and some may never happen in this lifetime. But you have to have goals or you'll become stagnant. So these are mine. I'm sure as I get older this will change and expand. And, Lord willing, I'll be able to cross most of them off.

So, without further adieu... (See key below for color coding.)

1. Go to bed each night with a clear conscience knowing I have no regrets
2. Kiss my husband and son every day and tell them how much I love them
3. Read more books to Elijah
4. Teach Elijah Spanish
   
5. Have at least one date night per month with Manny
6. Be more faithful in my devotion/prayer time
7. Lose 20 pounds
8. Keep my toenails painted and my legs shaved - because it matters to Manny
9. Be more forgiving and tenderhearted
10. Cook a new recipe at least once a month
11. Get in shape
12. Keep a clean house
13. Study... and I mean really study the Bible consistently
14. Be a better listener
15. Be less critical in general, but mostly to my husband
16. Get more involved in church
17. Volunteer my time
18. Potty-train Elijah
19. Live debt-free!!
20. Make Baklava from scratch
21. Make 10 good long-lasting friendships - old or new
22. Get replacement windows for downstairs
23. Watch less television.
24. Get rid of TV altogether for that matter (drastic I know)
    
25. Own a nice grown-up camera
26. Take a photography class
27. Take some refresher Spanish classes
    
28. Finish all my scrapbooks
29. Excavate our back yard for gardens, play area, and sitting area
30. Landscape the hill with a path and lots of plants
31. Plant 1000 tulips, lily, hyacinth, daffodil, and crocus bulbs all around my house
32. Grow all my own vegetables
33. Learn to can produce
34. Make home-made ketchup
35. Make home-made wine
36. Get an hour-long massage
37. Get a facial
38. Read the entire Bible
39. Have more babies
40. Try sushi
41. Take a hot-air balloon ride
42. Go to Mexico - preferably the Yucatan
43. Go camping in Yosemite National Park
44. Try water skiing
45. See the play Our Town
46. See Josh Groban in concert
47. Drive through the Redwood Forrest
48. Visit Moxi in Costa Rica
49. Read The Sun Also Rises
50. See a Broadway show
51. Put together a scrapbook of my family's old photographs
52. Go on another short-term mission trip
53. Remodel our kitchen
54. Remodel our downstairs bathroom
55. Pay off our house
56. Own a Honda Pilot
57. Go on a Mediterranean cruise
58. Find my childhood friend Laurie Hanning
59. Make a video documentary of my Grandparent's lives
60. Tour the California wine country
61. Learn to crochet
62. Paint a mural
63. Learn to surf
64. Swim with dolphins
65. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast in New England in the fall
66. Attend an opera
67. Compile my genealogy and Family Tree
68. See a baseball game at Wrigley Field
69. Meet Kay Arthur
70. Backpack across western Europe
71. See Niagara falls
72. Repel down a cliff
73. Hike down (and back up) the Grand Canyon
74. Spend 4th of July in Boston
75. See Machu Picchu first hand
76. Drive a race car (at regular speeds of course)
77. Go to an Olympic event
78. Swim in the Dead Sea
79. Go up in the Statue of Liberty
80. Walk on the Great Wall of China
81. See at NASCAR race in Bristol, Tennessee
82. Swim in a natural hot spring
83. Ride a ZIP line through a rain forest
84. Sing the Hallelujah Chorus (with full orchestra) in Teatro di San Carlo in Naples, Italy
85. Spend Christmas in a village in the Alps Mountains
86. Listen to live Celtic Music in concert at a castle in Scotland
87. Visit the Holy Land at Passover
88. Become a wedding planner
89. Recite the poem Cordoba: Lejana y Sola in (of course) Cordoba, Spain
90. Spend Mardi Gras in New Orleans
91. Spend St. Patrick's Day in Ireland
92. Go to Culinary school
93. Learn Midwifery and deliver babies
94. Stand on top of a mesa in Sedona, AZ and watch the sun set
95. Be a volunteer "baby rocker" at the hospital
96. See Aswish Germany
97. Take every Precept class available
98. Build our dream house/cottage in the woods
99. Attend Elijah's college graduation - magna cum laude, of course (and all our other kids' for that matter)
100. Have my children "rise up and call me blessed"

Immediate **

1 year **

5 years **

10 years **

Hopefully someday **

Indeed, a Merry Christmas.

A very Merry Christmas to everyone! We have had a lovely day so far. Elijah found his wagon under the tree as soon as we came down stairs this morning. (It's not a little red one - it's Fisher Price) He was elated! He ran back and forth - back and forth - back and forth - with it.
(I know he looks a little wigged out here but he's just excited!)

I love that he was so excited about it. And I didn't even get to tell him it's a Christmas gift. He just figured since it was there its for him. So we let him play with that until breakfast.
Mom, Dad, and Ragon came over and ate with us. (Jacob came over later) We had pull-apart sticky rolls which I made, and citrus salad and breakfast casserole which my Mom made. Everything was delish!

After breakfast Elijah discovered that when you pull tissue paper from bags you will probably find something you want to play with inside. So that's what he did. His method was classic: pull tissue from bag, peek inside, decide if there is something he wants, play like mad with said item until another bag of tissue catches his eye, repeat.

Some of his favorite gifts are: Curious George, the wagon, a MegaBlocks dumptruck, a tool set (complete with hardhat), a firetruck, a backhoe, and a John Deere tractor book, and a tow truck that talks.

Please enjoy some photos:
He has already figured out how to put the nut-ratchet together (whatever that is).


Curious George goes for a wagon ride!


Yay! Blocks and a dump truck. What a lucky boy. :)


Manny and I didn't spend much on each other this year. But he did give me one of the most thoughtful gifts ever. A family journal. It's wooden bound and he wrote on the first page saying that our home and family need to be a place of encouragement and comfort so we should write down things that make us laugh, encourage, inspire, or bless us. I think it's a very sweet gift! He also gave me the newest Ted Dekker book, which I cannot wait to read. My mom gave me a pair of gloves, fuzzy slippers, an awesome Taste of Home cookbook, and money. :) She knows me so well. hee hee. They gave Manny a pair of p.j. pants, and a Lowe's gift card. I gave Manny p.j. pants too and a pair of shoes.

So anyway, after major sensory overload, a few bites of sticky rolls, and a very late nap, Elijah was TIRED. with a capitol T. So the family headed home and we headed upstairs for a little naptime before round 2 of the festivities. Tonight it's a big dinner at my parents house. Yummy!
This was indeed a Merry Christmas morning. I'm so happy Elijah loved all his gifts and really got into opening and enjoying all of them.

And now, a few family shots...

20 21 things I love today:

1. that I have a rubber duckie watching me shower every morning.
2. playing peek-a-boo.
3. singing Twinkle Twinkle, O Shenandoah, Jesus Loves Me, and Edelweiss every night.
4. that there are tiny socks and shoes strewn all over my bedroom.
5. finding pacifiers in random nooks and crannies throughout the house.
6. the smell of Burt's Bees Baby shampoo.
7. that I have stale cheerios on the floorboard of my car.
8. watching Baby Einstein videos.
9. opening my refrigerator to find whole milk and apple juice.
10. sloppy wet kisses.
11. that there are sippy cups falling out of the cabinet every time I open it.
12. keeping the breakable ornaments on the top part of the Christmas tree.
13. reading Good Night Moon.
14. having zillions of pictures on my fridge.
15. sticky little fingerprints on my windows.
16. finding toy trucks in the pantry.
17. making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
18. zip-up footie PJ's.
19. Hearing the words : Ah lub oo.
20. Being A Momma!
21. the pitter-patter of little feet scampering around the house!
    

An ooey-gooey day.

'Tis the season to get in that kitchen and bake massive ridiculous piles of ooey-gooey, sugary, chocolatey, peanutbuttery, pepperminty sweetness... otherwise known as Christmas cookies. And yesterday, as part of my checklist of things to do with Elijah this holiday season, that's just what I did! I am getting to be a regular Martha Stewart these days, if I do say so myself. An afternoon of heart-warming sweaty baking in the kitchen produced the following...

1. A double batch of Toll House Cookies (one white chocolate/caramel chip, the other dark chocolate pecan)
2. A double batch of Peanut Butter Cookies
3. A double batch of Turtle Pretzels
4. A regular batch of this new kind of Chocolate Chip Cookies
5. A regular batch of Peppermint Meltaways

Elijah and I had such a good time together working. While I mixed, scooped, and baked, he helped played in the tupperware cabinet. What a good helper... maybe he'll appreciate the tradition more next year. Speaking of family traditions...

Back on Christmas Kickoff Day I made a list of things I'd like to do this year. So I thought it would be a good idea (as we are approaching the half-way mark) to see how we're doing with our goals.

• Crank up the long awaited Holiday tunes!
• Set up, light, and deck the Christmas tree
• Put out all the decorations
• Hang stockings
• Bake home-made cookies
• Make a crock-pot of hot apple cider
• Light the cinnamon, pine, and cookie scented candles
• Put lights up around the house
• Hang wreaths on the doors
• Swap out my regular Fiestaware for Christmas dishes
• Set the dining room table with pretty red and green linens
• Spend plenty of time with the Grandparents and Greatgrandparents
• Cook a delicious meal with our family
• Dance the CHRISTMAS KICKOUT DANCE
• See the lights at Garvin Park
• Go caroling
• See Handel's Messiah (ok, maybe Elijah can't do that. but I can)
• Go sledding -- no snow yet!
• Make home-made ornaments
• Make caramel corn
• Attend a cookie exchange
• Count down with an Advent calendar
• Celebrate St. Nicholas Day
• Read the Christmas story as a family

Well it looks like we're making some progress, but there is still so much holiday fun to be had!

the Goal Post

All this talk lately about living life, being thankful, making the most of every opportunity, appreciating loved ones, etc. has really got me to thinking. And one thing I've not been doing enough of since having my beloved Elijah is thinking grown-up thoughts. (You know, the kind that don't involve planing baby's schedule, feeding, changing, chasing after, or cleaning him) Not that I haven't had time, because not having time to think for ones-self as a Mother is an urban myth (we always have a few moments: either showering, drifting off to sleep at night, driving, doing dishes, or while baby is napping). Unfortunately I tend to take those moments to myself to veg out. I just want to relax, close my eyes for a minute, look at book or magazine, or mess with my scrapbooks. So recently motivation has kicked in and I want to take every advantage of it before it goes away, along with my energy and sanity with holidays shortly upon us.

When I was younger - college age and newlywed - I did some of my best thinking while journaling (waaay back before this fancy Internet blogging stuff). I would get out my journal and a lovely gel pen (aren't they so fun to write with?) and go to town jotting down my thoughts, worries, prayers, dreams, frustrations, inner secrets, plans, and the happenings of daily life. Plus I liked to sketch a little for added effect. I would make note of verses that spoke to me and things I was learning/being convicted of. I would use my journal as a notebook during Bible studies and church. I would keep song lyrics that meant something to me. I would be completely honest with myself... good or bad. Because why not? It was my private place to "get it all out". Very therapeutic, really.

But, gosh I can't imagine being so brutally honest here in blogger world. After all, other people read it (though not very many) and what might they think? Silly, because it doesn't matter what they think. I'm sad to admit my old fashioned paper journal has gone the way of the VHS tape, ThighMaster, and high-top sneakers.... obsolete and rarely ever seen. ha ha. (I actually do still have my old journals but they are locked up tight.)

Where the heck is she going with all this??? Hang on, you'll see.

Anyway. I've decided to make a list of goals, both short-term and long-term. I think without goals it's hard to make progress. And this is not the stuff I would say after its been passed through the filter of "public" Internet blogging or what I think other people want to hear, but what I honestly have to say.

It's too easy to become stagnant and apathetic toward life. I don't want to get by and go through the motions of life... I want to LIVE life, to enjoy each day, each moment. I want to make new memories in stead of thinking about old ones. I want to make new friends (while still loving the old ones). I want to decide things rather than going along with the flow.

Life = living not just existing. And that is why I'm making a list of goals... to live... to pursue something... to work... to fight.

And now if I could just finish that list I would post it.

A New Day

Let's all congratulate Elijah on cutting his 4th molar! (I think it poked its way through on Friday.) Let me also add that I can see the 2 "eye" teeth on top peeking out - just the pointy tips - so they won't be far behind. This has been, by far, the hardest bout of teething we've had yet. Thankfully it's almost over. Little guy has had a snotty nose for almost a month now! I'm ready to move on already.

So anyway... I've been reading a book called Youniquely Woman for about 6 weeks now (yes, it takes me forever to finish a book these days!) and I've decided to make some changes. Primarily, living intentionally, with regard to raising my son. I've been given a wonderful privilege for this short season of life to instill in him the things of God, to teach him minute by minute, and to show him God's love and discipline. One of the themes of the book is living without regrets - to make decisions now that you will look back on when your children are grown and think "I'm so thankful I did it that way". So, now is the time!

I was told by a friend when Elijah was a newborn "you will never ever regret holding your baby too much, but you will most certainly look back and think you should have held him more when he was small". And I have thought of that each night when I rock him to sleep. I hold him close just a little longer than necessary, because I know these moments are so fleeting, because I want to enjoy every second of each sweet phase of his life.

This morning we did things a little differently. When I heard him in his room bright and early talking to his bears, in stead of wishing he would go back to sleep for just 30 more minutes, I drug my tired butt in there and was instantly happy to see him. His sleepy-faced smile has magical heart-melting qualities, I think. In stead of wasting time, we got changed and dressed right away, and headed downstairs for devotions and breakfast. I gave him a children's Bible for Christmas last year and decided it's high time to start reading it too him. I had thought it might be a little too advanced, with too few pictures, and too many words. But surprisingly he listened intently, pointed at the pictures, and jabbered as I read it to him! He enjoyed it. And so did I. Granted these are Bible stories at their most simple, but little by little it will plant the Word of God in his heart. And as he gets older, we'll move on to more a complete version. (Which will call Eve Adam's "wife" in stead of "special friend"... duh. Or will say that God destroyed the Earth with a flood because of people's wicked Godless ways in stead of saying "God was not happy" with them. But that's for another day.)

After that we turned on some good old Shane and Shane (yes, very old school) and danced and laughed our heads off. He loves the attention when I dance with him and frankly the kid's got moves. :) We played cars, and bears, and I pushed him around and around on his car until he was ready for his nap. Oh yeah, his new funny thing is putting his bear on the car and saying "sit down" (the way I do when I put him in his booster) then pushing him around. No bear, do not fall off the side... do not lay down... no bear... sit... sit... good bear. Thank you very much.

I am beginning to see my home and my family as my ministry. Making home a refuge for my husband and a haven for seeing Jesus for my son... this is what I want to start today. God grant me the grace to carry it out.

whereby I thank God for my life

Mortality, sickness, fragility, cancer, sick babies, lost pregnancies, unthinkable accidents, the delicate state of balance between death and life...
We are but a vapor, like the grass that withers, a mist, a moment, dust...

This theme has been repeating itself in different facets of my mind over the past 6 + weeks. Perhaps jump started when my friend's husband passed away, perhaps by my own turning thirty [gasp - how ridiculous], or the many many heart-breaking stories of late. My awareness has been heightened and it would appear that everywhere I look I see and hear of seemingly tragic events (all of which are completely within the all-knowing, all-loving Hands of God, of course).

My baby was born to us, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, perfect, beautiful, healthy, thriving, eating, breathing, hearing, seeing, cooing, living. Praise the Lord! And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Many many parents are not so fortunate. So, I thank God for my life.

Sadly, I've read about other Mothers and Fathers mourning the loss of their beloved children, taken to Heaven so soon. I've heard of a wife leaving her precious family to purse the World for all its emptiness. I've known of husbands and wives taken from each other and their children unexpectedly. I've cried for those with babies lost before they could ever hold them. I've marveled at the testimony of a husband who watched his beautiful young wife slip away from him and their young son with what started as a sinus problem. Or the young parents of 4 who were injured so terribly in a plane crash. Or the woman today who reminded me she still misses her grandson who died in a devastating car accident 14 years ago (he was my friend). These things seem so senseless. So, I thank God for my life... that it is not my lot at this time to endure such things.

I've seen how hardened people can become -- how little we consider the magnitude of the blessings we've received. I simply don't want to take my child, my health, my husband, our family, our home, or anything for granted. So, I thank God for my life.

My boy is happy and healthy, my husband is kind and faithful, my home (although drafty) is sturdy and warm. We have food in the cabinet, cars to drive, clothes to wear, a soft bed, jobs to provide income (which, in this economy, is no small thing) , a church to attend, family to support us, toys to entertain us, running water, electricity... I could go on... but you get the idea.

And so, I thank God for my life.

Elijah's first Election

Being firm believers that all citizens should participate in the democratic process, Elijah and I set off early this morning to VOTE. Contrary to what we had expected, we only had to wait about 40 minutes from start to finish. This was a relief, as 14-month-olds tend not to be as patient and quiet as others. I had been worried that his "enthusiasm" (since this is his first time voting and all) might bother our fellow waiters-in-line. But he was a good sport, and only screamed out "ba-baaaa" 3 or 4 times (which only slightly drew attention to us in that echoy gymnasium). Luckily I, the ever-prepared Momma, brought Honey Combs, a sippy cup of milk, and the favorite toothbrush to keep him occupied. And it worked. [whew]
Now, it should be mentioned that he wasn't sure for whom he should cast his ballot, since he really only cares about the important issues such as eating the dog's food, getting dirty, brushing his teeth, and learning to walk. But with a little political guidance from his Momma, I think he made the right decision in the end. If only the rest of the nation would agree with us. ;-)

We have a lunch date planned today with C. I very much look forward to it.

In other news, please congratulate my good friend Laurie on her pregnancy! I am so excited her (and husband Josh).

And now, my boy has poo in his pants, 5 bottles of salad dressing- practicing how far he can make them bounce, and a 2 pound box of spaghetti spilled all over the floor. (What kind of mother leaves these things with in reach?) I must tend to him...

Happy Election Day to all. Get out there and VOTE if you haven't already!!!

I totally stole this poem. But it's lovely and poignant.

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I Took His Hand and Followed

Mrs. Roy L. Peifer

My dishes went unwashed today,
I didn't make the bed,
I took his hand and followed
Where his eager footsteps led.

Oh yes, we went adventuring,
My little son and I...
Exploring all the great outdoors
Beneath the summer sky

We waded in a crystal stream,
We wandered through a wood...
My kitchen wasn't swept today
But life was gay and good.

We found a cool, sun-dappled glade
And now my small son knows
How Mother Bunny hides her nest,
Where jack-in-the-pulpit grows.

We watched a robin feed her young,
We climbed a sunlit hill...
Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky,
We plucked a daffodil.

That my house was neglected,
That I didn't brush the stairs,
In twenty years, no one on earth
Will know, or even care.

But that I've helped my little boy
To noble manhood grow,
In twenty years, the whole wide world
May look and see and know.

Today I can talk like a pirate!

Today I feel like poo. So does Elijah. He and I have not had a lot of fun on our day off. We both started coming down with sore throat, sinus-type junk a few days ago and its gotten worse. I'm not sure we have the same thing, but I can't see how we don't. Unless, we both have allergies. Maybe. Anyway my voice is almost gone... I sound so ugly -- like an old woman who has smoked for 60 years. I actually can talk like a pirate. I was trying not to talk or anything, but when I put E down for his afternoon nap he insisted. He was all cuddled up against my chest, blankie in hand, humming a sweet little out-of-tune song, which is his way of saying "Momma, I want you to sing to me". It's true. So I broke out a terrible rendition of Oh Shenandoah (because there aren't any high notes). Isn't it nice that children don't care if you sing well or not?

I have been entirely unproductive today... AGAIN! I wanted to fold that last load of laundry, sweep and mop the whole downstairs, vacuum upstairs, hang E's new curtains, plant a mum, and cook dinner for the family. So far I have managed to carry the laundry basket upstairs and come up with plan for dinner. But that's as far as I've gotten. I wasted my 3 hour break this morning taking a nap while E did. Gosh, it's 4:30 -- I better get a move on! Wait... isn't Oprah on right now? Ha ha. Just kidding.

No, my day hasn't been altogether lazy. I mentioned that I started reading that book "Youniquely Woman" and am feeling a tiny bit inspired by it. So, I also went outside and cut some flowers (the last of the hydrangeas blooms) and other greenery to liven up the house. It looks nice if I do say so myself. Also, after lunch E and I headed outside for some swinging. He has such a great time in his little baby swing! I love to watch the pure delight on his face when I make him go higher. When I let it slow down he says "moa" and signs more. :) So cute! After that we sat on a blanket under the shade of the ever-reddening dogwood trees on the hill and played for a while. It is such a perfect afternoon - the breeze feels lovely coming through the house.

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention... one of my birthday gifts from my parents was a NEW kitchen faucet which my dad and Manny installed yesterday! It's so great! I'll take a picture of it soon! They also finally installed the baby gate at the top of the stairs. I'm so glad to have it so I don't have to worry about E crawling over there.

Keith, Paula, and Gracie left for TX this morning. Here are a few pictures K took on his camera.
Here's my Grandma with Elijah and Gracie (her great-grandkids) and Zoe (granddaughter)

Elijah playing dolls with the big girls.

So excited about his pb&j!!

14 Months

Happy 14 month birthday to Elijah.
(At what point am I supposed to stop counting in months?)

We had a fun-filled, albeit rainy/dreary day. We left home about 8:20 and went to the park to walk with Carla and Kim before the rain came. It's nice to have some Mommy time and a little exercise. One thing I really have missed, and enjoyed today, was having a deeper-than-surface discussion with a girlfriend. I suppose I keep myself busy with Elijah, keeping the house, working, spending time with family, etc. that I haven't talked about what's going on in my life with anyone for a long time. After we walked Carla and I spoke for a while about marriage, kids, struggles, discipline, and lots of good stuff. It was encouraging.

Then it was off to my Grandma's house to visit with them, Keith and Paula, Gracie, and my 3-year-old cousin Zoe. (Yep, my mom's 50-year-old sister just adopted Zoe from China last Spring! And I thought I was an older mom!) My goodness, those 2 girls kept Elijah chasing after them all day! They are so busy and he loved every minute of it. Having older kids around is good for him I think.

He is getting more and more brave with walking around on stuff. He let go a little too long today and took a spill on the concrete and now has a lovely busted top lip to go with his black eye. Wait... did I mention the black eye?? No? Well, on Saturday night we were watching Cops at my parents and Elijah was walking around and around the coffee table. When the "bad boys" song came on he let go to dance and forgot about holding on. He toppled over and smacked his eye on the corner of the table. So, he got his first shiner. It's actually not that bad; just a small bruise under the eye and an abrasion. He's getting pretty tough when it comes to injuries now. ;-)

Anyway, he had a blast at Grandma's today. We didn't make it down to the festival due to the rain. Maybe tomorrow.

Also, I mentioned my new friend Michelle before. Well, we're still hanging out on Mondays. I'm excited because each time we get together she always initiates a "spiritual" conversation. I'm fairly sure she is not a true believer from some things she has said, but I've been praying for God to use this connection to bring her to Him. I try not to bring it up at all because I don't want to be pushy, and I think building a relationship and trust right now is the important thing. I can tell she's hungry for something more, so I let her take the lead. She always says how spiritual and religious she is. 3 weeks ago we started talking about how she just doesn't feel like she knows very much about God. So I lent her a great book by Kay Arthur called "Lord I Want to Know You". It takes you through the deeper meaning of each of the names God gives Himself, which can open up your eyes to who He is to you. It's a wonderful book! Anyway, she has been devouring it; reading the chapters over and over again. We got to talk about grace a lot this week and I kind of saw a glimmer in her eyes... like a light bulb was going on. She kept saying "you know, I've never heard it like that before." and stuff. It's so cool, mostly because I haven't tried to do anything really - other than make myself available to talk honestly and openly with her. So, pray for her too.

Other than that, I'm reading another great Kay Arthur book called Youniquely Woman and so far have been really encouraged. Maybe more on that later...

I'm off to bed.