Ezekiel's Birth Story (the long version)

Warning: the following story may contain too much information, gross details, or things you may not want to hear. But if you've already had a baby yourself, you will probably be okay with it.

My due date was on a Thursday - July 8th actually. You may recall that I was all geared up for this baby to be way overdue like Elijah was. So when, on the day before my due date, my doctor told me we were seeing some progress I was both hopeful and surprised. The next 48 or so hours were a blur, so before I forget the details I better take a minute to write them down. And since I know you're waiting anxiously to hear all about it, I'm going to tell you the whole story of Ezekiel's birth. (or almost the whole story)

So on Wednesday the 7th I saw my OB for my 40 week check-up. She reported the happy news that all those "pre" contractions may have been working after all. When she checked my progress I was at 4 cm! She stripped my membranes and informed me she'd be leaving town for vacation on Friday. So if it worked, one of her partners would be delivering the baby. I decided not to get my hopes up, but started mentally preparing myself for the possibility that he might come sooner than later. I tried drinking some raspberry leaf tea to hopefully kick things into gear too. It's pretty bitter tasting if you want to know.

That afternoon I spent some time with my Grandma watching my cousin have swim lessons and trying to relax and stay as cool as possible. I could tell pretty much immediately that stripping the membranes had made some difference because what had been barely a noticeable tightening of my abdomen turned into fairly uncomfortable cramps. Not the kind that make you stop in your tracks - just a little like cramp cramps. You know? This went on all afternoon but slowed down after we got settled in for the night. I never did time them because when I spoke with my doula she said they aren't the real deal until they become too intense to ignore, which these were not. Plus from what I could tell they weren't coming in regular intervals.

The morning of my due date brought an even bigger surprise. When I went to the bathroom I discovered the dreaded... duh duh duh... mucus plug. Yuck. It sounds way grosser than it actually is. But still just saying it makes me feel icky. It was then that I started to believe maybe the time was getting close. A few hours later I noticed what they call "bloody show", which after checking again with my doula, is just a nice way of knowing labor could be soonish - but with no guarantees. So again, I spent the day with my Grandma. She came to my Mom's house to help me with Elijah while I tried to rest. We had Chinese food for lunch, then just sat around for the rest of the day. During lunch I realized that some of the contractions were taking it up a notch, enough to make me stop and take notice, but not enough to disrupt what I was doing.

That evening after getting Elijah off to dreamland was when I really started to have some decent ones. I went ahead and took a nice long hot shower, shaved my legs, cleaned up the house, and made sure everything we needed for the hospital was near the back door.

Around 10 pm I decided to start timing them and came to discover they were about 6-7 minutes apart, consistently. We "went to bed" (aka, layed there while timing contractions and having Manny rub my back in various positions) around 11ish but didn't actually rest. Around midnight we called our doula again to let her know how things were moving. She suggested I try to labor at home as long as possible and when they get 5 minutes apart for 1 hour or when I have 12 in a row that are difficult to talk through that's when we should head to the hospital.

An hour later they were still 6 minutes apart and not increasing in intensity (I would give them a 3 on the pain scale). However Manny was becoming pretty anxious at this point so we decided to pack up the car and head over to my Mom's house (where Elijah was to spend the night) just in case things were to start progressing faster. I really just didn't feel an urgency to go anywhere once we were settled in. So we tried to go to bed and wait it out. The contractions kept coming but at that point were too sporadic to time and just didn't hurt enough for me to consider them the real deal. Although I will say that there was no doubt in my mind that this was indeed the beginning. Around 4 am I finally dozed off.

On Friday (the 9th) we woke up to a big break in the action. No hard contractions to speak of. I was just DEAD tired from being awake most of the night. I felt like cooking so I made a big breakfast and stuffed my face... I WAS FAMISHED! Afterwards we let Elijah veg out in front of Nick Jr for a while (I know, I'm a bad mommy) so I could rest. Then my brother was over there so he volunteered to watch him while I caught a nice long nap. I ended up sleeping from 10 am - 1 pm.

It was when I woke up from that nap around 1:00 that I finally recognized a shift in the labor pains. I can now say with confidence that's when the "active labor" began. Where they had been only a small nuisance before, I really started to notice them then. I figured it couldn't hurt to start timing contractions, so that's what we did. For a solid hour they were exactly 5 minutes apart. Then about 15 minutes later we noticed they had started to come every 3 minutes. At that point they still weren't more than a 3-4 on the pain scale. But I was pretty sure they wouldn't be letting up this time. I tried walking, stretching, and changing positions, and nothing seemed to make them lessen.

It was then, at almost 3:00 we decided it's time to go ahead and drop off Elijah with my Grandma and head to the hospital. I remember noticing the time when we got in the car was 3:11 pm. So at that point I kind of started to get nervous. I realized what was about to happen and for the first time I didn't feel ready.

By the time we got half-way through the 20 minute drive to my Grandma's house I noticed another shift in the pain. This time the intensity was increasing and I was having to stop talking and concentrate my way through each contraction. We didn't bother timing them much, but when we did they were ranging from 2-3 minutes apart.

I cried when we dropped off Elijah. I knew it was the end of his world as he knew it. I knew I would see very little of him over the next 48 hours. And I knew that life was about to change for all of us. It was like the closing of a chapter that I wasn't quite ready to end. I have LOVED loved loved being just Elijah's Mommy. And I couldn't wrap my heart around the idea of sharing myself with another little person. I just felt like I'd be cheating him out of some measure of love.

Anyway, back to the story. It took us another 30 minutes to drive to the hospital from there. Traffic was terrible with construction and the fact that it was almost 4:00 on a Friday. On the way we made the "you'd better meet us at the hospital ASAP" phone calls to my parents and doula Mary. By the time we hit the Lloyd my contractions were 2 minutes apart and probably a 5 in intensity. I was starting to get kind of anxious that we made it there in time judging by how quickly we were moving from one stage to the next.

At last we got there and checked in. I'm not sure exactly what time we arrived, but I remember looking at the clock in the triage room once I was in the bed and noticing it was about 4:20 or so. A nurse checked my progress and told me I was at about 4.5 cm at that time. But then things really started to move quickly!

2 contractions after she checked me my water broke. And dang it if there wasn't meconium. I was so worried that this would mean I needed antibiotics or something. But it didn't. Turns out Zeke was fine. Right after that happened my parents and Mary arrived. It took me a minute to gain my composure and let them in the little triage room because by that time the contractions were less than 2 minutes apart and getting more painful each time. I'm not sure how, but we managed to stop and smile for a photo or two.
The nurse went ahead and called Dr. Reisinger (she was on call for Dr. Brown that day) since they could tell I was progressing VERY fast.

About 4:40 she checked my progress again and reported that I was at almost 7 cm. Dang! No wonder it hurt - in 20 minutes time I had dilated 3 cm! It seemed like a hundred years later they moved me to my delivery room (but it was really only about 20 minutes). We opted to have them just roll the bed in stead of having me get out and into a wheelchair. There was no possible way I would have been able to move my legs at that point - I was so close to transition.

My doula, bless her soul, was such a calming influence. She kept encouraging me that I was doing great and things were moving really fast. But I didn't feel like I was doing great at all. In fact I didn't feel like I was doing anything. Labor is one of those things that just happens to you. You have no control over your body or your pain. You're just along for the ride and praying that God would deliver you soon and very soon. I am so serious about that last part. I tried the relaxation techniques as Mary coached me through... breath deeply, visualize a happy place, hum, moan, rock back and forth (FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE). But finally I settled for squeezing the living tarnation out of Manny's hand, praying, and whining... no make that screaming. It started out as whining/ moaning and progressed to higher decibels as labor intensified. Manny was such a trooper. I know it was pretty crazy for him too, seeing me go through the ordeal. But he was there for me and supportive the whole way.

To be honest the whole thing was a whirlwind and there are only pieces that I recall clearly. I don't really remember what my parents were doing. Except I did look up a few times to see my mom excitedly peering over the doctor and nurses' shoulders to catch a glimpse of the action. I remember my Dad holding the camera and sitting in a chair on the far side of the room. But I don't think either of them spoke to me. Maybe they did and I've forgotten.

Once we made it to our delivery room things were so intense I kind of blocked out most of the activity around me. I know that it wasn't too long after we got in there that Dr. Reisinger arrived and checked my progress. Her first check indicated that I was at 8 cm already. It was right about then that a cocky little red-headed nurse named Erin came up and said "You know, nobody wins a prize for refusing pain medication. Are you sure you don't want that epidural?" My first thought was "ARE YOU SERIOUS? Didn't you read my birth plan? I specifically put in there DO NOT OFFER ME ANY MEDICATION for a reason! Get out of my freaking face you jerk!" Then after that I thought "Even if I wanted one now it would be too late, so shut the heck up and get away from me!" But what I actually said was "no." Yeah, I was a little angry with her. When that particular contraction died down I called Mary to my side and asked if she could keep that woman away from me. I don't know if she said anything to her or if the she just got the hint.

Anyway, it was obvious to everyone, including myself, that I was experiencing pretty much the most overwhelming pain in the entire world. Each time another contraction came (which by then was about every 90 seconds) I would concentrate with all my might to keep the screaming down to just moaning or something else. I tried to bite down on a wash cloth, putting my hands over my mouth, my pillow over my face, whispering prayers for help, humming, blowing long breaths out, but nothing could keep the inevitable "aaahhhh" or "nnnnooooo" from escaping my lips. Then each time I would apologize profusely to everyone who had to witness it. I can't believe I acted that way. Look at all the times I've said that making noise during labor is a waste of energy. But come to find out, sometimes verbalizing the pain is the only way a body can release it. At least that's the only thing that worked for me. And no, it didn't help the pain go away at all. It just gave me something to do I guess. No, really. I simply could not keep myself from it. So strange. I think about how many times over the course of that hour I had said "I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Why did I say no medication?" But then I would come right back and repeat to myself "I can do this. I can do this. I MUST do this!"

There was one point where I was sure I was having an out of body experience. The fetal monitor had slipped down too far and they were having trouble hearing the baby's heartrate. So the nurses insisted I roll over on my side to get more oxygen to the baby. Meanwhile they also insisted I put on an oxygen mask. All the mask did was suffocate me during the contractions. I would try to suck in a big lungful of air, but all I got was plastic stuck to my nose and mouth. So there I was... I could not open my eyes and I felt like my body was literally splitting in two, and to top it off I was being asphyxiated. So not cool. Finally I ripped the darn thing off myself.

While I was on my side I started to notice something really crazy happening. At the height of each contraction it felt like I was pushing. Like when you throw up and your abs contract on their own to force the stuff up. It was like that, only the opposite end of the body. The contractions were pushing the baby out on their own. I remember reading that you're not supposed to push until the doctor says. So I was focusing on not pushing. I didn't have the urge to really. It's just that my body was doing it and I couldn't stop myself. Next I felt a HUGE gush - like tidal wave - even though my water had already broken, I guess it didn't totally leak out or something. Then once that one was over they moved me over to my back and poured something freezing cold on... you know... the area. (I think it was antiseptic.) Then it started to burn like crazy. They call it the "ring of fire" I'm told. And yeah, it really does burn. Plus the doctor was helping to stretch the skin to avoid a tear, so that added to the burning.

Then the doctor checked me again and informed me I was complete and ready to push whenever I wanted to. They hoisted my legs up into these holder things and told me to go for it when I was ready. I figured the sooner I pushed him out the sooner the pain would stop. So I pushed. I think I pushed 5 times. Could have been 6. And that's it. Just like that. His head was out. They told me to stop while she sucked out his nose and mouth. Then they told me to go for it again. His body was much easier to deliver than his head. Probably because the doctor was kind of helping pull him out. But looking back the pushing was the easiest part. It was almost a relief after the other stuff. Just knowing the end was near. Frankly I was surprised at how quickly he came. But believe me when I say it was not a moment too soon!

And so, at 5:22 pm, emerged little Ezekiel Joseph into this world. One hour after we arrived at the hospital.



He cried a nice big cry right away. They placed him on my chest while they cleaned him up and waited for the cord to stop pulsing. From my angle I couldn't see his face, but I was able to reach down and put my hand on his slimy little body. He was covered in goo but I didn't care. I held his tiny hand while Manny and I shared our moment. I can't remember exactly what we said to each other, but it had something to do with "I can't believe I did it." I know he was proud of me. And I was proud of myself. I still can't believe I did it.



Manny cut the cord, then they moved Ezekiel over to the warmer to be weighted and measured. Then I delivered the placenta (which the doctor said was "really a big one"), got a few stitches, and got cleaned up. The room cleared out and then it was just our family left to enjoy our new little one.



Yes, that scale does indeed read 8 pounds, 11 ounces! This boy is a whopper! No wonder I felt so huge... I WAS so huge! We all kept saying "Wow, I can't believe he's so big!"

But he was worth all of it... the discomfort, exhaustion, swollen feet, labor, and all.



Every. single. bit.

Ezekiel's Here!!

He was born today at 5:22 pm.

Weighed a whopping 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and 22 inches long!!

Big boy! I'll post a better birth story later, but right now I need some sleep.

Here's the short version...

I labored "for real" about 5 hours.

Contractions started getting close together about 1:00 this afternoon.

We decided to leave the house at 3:00 - dropped off Elijah at my Grandma's house, then headed in to the hospital. I think we checked in around 4:00 pm.

The first time they checked me I was at 4.5 cm.

2 contractions later my water broke.

40 minutes later I was at almost 7.

40 minutes after that I was complete and ready to push.

Holy cow, people, it hurt. Excruciating! I felt like my body was splitting in half.

But I only had to push a few times. We think maybe 5 times. Or 6.

The actual delivery lasted under 15 minutes. Praise the Lord for that because I didn't think I would be able to endure one more second.

And here he is...

Of course there will be more photos soon too.

happy due date to me

Oh yeah baby! Check out this Momma!

Here's what 40 weeks of gestation looks like on me. Nice, eh?

So for the past 30 hours I've been having some decent contractions. They come irregularly (ranging from 12 - 6 minutes apart) but have become more intense as time has gone on. I spent all day at my parents house with my Grandma, Dad, and Elijah while Manny was at work (at his NEW job by the way!! Praise the Lord!!) just waiting it out. Grandma treated me to lunch at my FAVE Chinese place, then it was just an afternoon of sitting around and trying stay out of the crazy heat.

As of right now (7:30 pm) I haven't been timing them for a while. They seem to be dwindling, but who knows. I really hope some action starts tonight. So I'm going to clean the kitchen, put away a load of laundry, take a shower, shave my legs, paint my toenails, and go to bed early. Who knows if I'll have to get up in the middle of the night!!

40 Week Doctor Visit

Well, technically today I'm 39 weeks, 6 days. But whatever. And I did see Dr. B. today. But more on that in a second.

So this morning Grandma and I went to the ladies tea at church. What a nice refreshing time. I always love to hear the testimonies. Afterwards we ran a few errands - namely picking up some raspberry leaf tea to hopefully jump-start labor and getting a few items at Target. Then it was time for me to be off to the doctor while Elijah stayed and played with Grandma.

And guess what you guys... we have some progress! I'm 4 cm dilated. Woo hoo!
Now, I know better than to get my hopes up. I learned at the end of my pregnancy with Elijah that just because I'm dilated doesn't mean the baby will come any time soon. Maybe next week or the week after would be a fair guess. However, she did strip my membranes and I have been having stronger contractions since then. They are not consistent, but they are more painful than before. And like my doula says, every one counts even if there is no measurable progress. So bring them on baby! So for now I'm downing the raspberry leaf tea by the giant glass full, putting my feet up and trying to rest up for the big event -- whenever that might be.

In other news my stats for today are:
Blood Pressure: 122/ 70
Weight: +1 pound (that makes 11 overall)
Measuring on target.
Baby's heart rate is good.
4 cm dilated (yeah!)

Of course, if there's any action I'll be sure to report it. Nobody hold your breath though.

(My Favorite) Holiday Weekend

So here we are today, 2 days until my due date (but not really counting on Ezekiel -- it's strange to call him by name -- coming any time this week). I'm just hunkering down for the long haul. I think I'm going to attempt a belly photo shoot this week since we're on our last leg of the pregnancy. They may not be pretty, but they'll be real... real big, and real stretch-marked, and real pale since my belly hasn't seen daylight in a hundred years. But anyway.

Let me just say...
4th of July is my favorite holiday ever. Something about the heat, fireworks, picnics, grilling out, eating watermelon, swimming parties, and family time. I just love it! But would you believe I made it through the entire weekend without taking one single photo? Seriously. I'm so lazy these days. Lugging around a gigantic abdomen is enough work for me - no need to add a camera to the load. I do kind of regret my laziness though. I love to take photos of the fireworks and festivities.

My little Elijah LOVED the fireworks this year! At first he was apprehensive because in the spot we were sitting there were lots of people shooting off bottle rockets and other noisy things which were too loud for his taste. He spent a couple of hours with his hands over his ears. But once the big show started he enjoyed it. They were far enough away that he only heard a faint boom. We had a great spot too - on a bridge so our view of the river was unobstructed. About half-way through Elijah got bored and ran around for a while. But then once the finale started he got on Manny's shoulders and clapped the entire time! Afterward, as we walked to the car and drove home he was a crazy chatterbox! He went on and on and on about watching the grand finale, and how pretty they were, and how the "little ones" scared him too much. Then of course, he relived the whole thing for my mom when he saw her too. So that was how we ended the 4th. But let me back up and talk about the rest of the weekend.

Friday night I went with my parents (sans Manny and Elijah) to the opening of a new pizza place at Marina Pointe on the river. The view and setting was lovely. The pizza was great. The company included my aunts LL and Marcia, their husbands and my Dad's parents. Major topics of discussion: cousin Jamie's baby Zoey (born Wednesday of last week) and how she's doing, my impending due date and still growing belly ("Haven't you had that baby yet?" etc.), and cousin Jennifer's baby (found out that she's having a girl and naming her Chandler). To which my uncle Steve said "Well that's just a stupid name!".

So yeah. Then before I left my Grandma kind of grilled me about why I'm not going to let the Dr. induce me, because it's perfectly healthy and safe, and Jamie had it done and her baby is fine, and after all 4 of her 8 kids were induced and they were all fine, and it would be silly of me to let this baby come too late, etc. All to which I replied, "Because I chose not to. I had it done with Elijah and it's not for me this time around." End of story. Maybe it's just be being overly sensitive, but I kind of felt cornered. I don't want to add any more fuel to the gossip train. I have a feeling somehow the conversation will be turned around and I'll be made to look like I'm condemning other people for their choices. Which, of course, is not the case. Anyway, it was a nice evening after all.

On Saturday afternoon we had a pool/bbq party with our small group. Good food, good fellowship, cool water, and a nice evening. Once again Elijah swam like a little fish and LOVED the pool! It was so nice to get together with our group again since we've missed the past 3 months. I think I really needed the refreshment of being with our friends and hearing how they have been praying for us during this hard time in our lives.

So, Sunday - the 4th - Dad came to church. It was his 2nd week in a row, and the 3rd time he's been able to go since he got sick. Even though it wore him out and was hard for him to sit there the entire time, it was still really good that he was able to be there. After church Elijah spend a good 3 hours in the baby pool on my parents' deck while I watched and soaked my feet in the cool water. Then, of course, at night we went to the fireworks with Manny.

Yesterday our office was closed - woohoo! I love an extra long weekend (as if I don't get long weekends every week anyway). So Manny took me on a date to see Eclipse while Mom and Dad watched Elijah. I loved the movie, by the way. Each one keeps getting better.

Then in the afternoon Mom, Dad, Elijah, Ragon, and I went swimming at our friend Cathie's house. Oh, glorious weightlessness of being in the pool!! It felt so good to cool off and be able to lounge on my tummy in the float! Such a relief from the constant strain of carrying around this baby load all the time. Elijah is getting so very brave in his little frog floatie. He just swims anywhere he wants now. No more worry about being close to me or the steps. He's been having a ball. And boy can he kick! Mom worked with him a little bit on going under, holding his breath, and swimming to her from the steps. He's learning little by little. But each time he gets a little less apprehensive. After swimming we went to Big Top drive-in for some burgers, crinkle fries, and ice cream cones. What a way to top off a fun afternoon. Did I mention how much I love summer time?!

Did I also mention I'm 2 days away from my due date? Oh yeah baby!

other stuff going on

Manny may have a job as soon as next week. I'm not one to count unhatched chickens, so I'll hold back my excitement until it really happens. But he had a really good interview on Monday, then they called him today to schedule his drug test for tomorrow morning. He'll pass. It's nothing extravagant, just Lowe's, but we'd be so thankful for any job at all. It's been over 7 months since he's had one. Gosh, I can't believe we've gone that long!! God truly has provided for us.

Today a very sweet girl I barely know gave me a baby swing and infant carseat. Since my Mom will be babysitting we need 2 sets of everything this time around. So it's a huge blessing!

Mom and Dad came over to our house for dinner tonight. Today was the first day my Dad has worked a "whole" day since the onset of his... whatever you call it... sickness. I say "whole" lightly because Mom reported that he took 2 pretty long naps in the recliner, but he was there all day. And that's quite an accomplishment! So the fact that he came over and ate, then played with Elijah outside while measuring and figuring out how to build him a play area in our side yard is a huge thing. Normally he crashes as soon as he walks in the door, and that's after something as simple as a trip to Rural King or 2 hours at the office. No, things aren't improving, but I think he's learning how to cope a little better. Or at least push through the pain more.

Anyway, all day today the weather was outstanding! No humidity and I think the high got up to 81 or so. Just perfect for sitting on the porch. However not so perfect for swimming, which I want to do more of before baby boy arrives. Oh my hips hurt so bad! The only relief I get is in the water. Speaking of... I think I'll go run a warm bath before bed.

39 WEEKS!!!!!! Check-up & Belly shot

Just as we all suspected - I got a big fat NOTHING in the progress report from Dr. B. today. I'm not surprised, but slightly disappointed. She said with a great deal of confidence "I'll see you next week, and my partner will see you the week after that. So how long over do you want us to let you go?"

Still, I'm doing fine and baby is doing fine so we need to be counting our blessings.

Turns out that Dr. B. is leaving for a week-long family vacation the day after my due date. And since I have a strong sense that this little guy won't be arriving before his due date, that leaves a good likelihood that I'll go into labor either when she's gone or after she returns (which would put me at 10+ days past "due"). I'm kind of let down that she may not be here when I deliver. You know, you just get used to the idea of your own Dr. being there. Plus she knows my birth plan and has been very supportive. I just hope her partners would do the same.

Here are my stats for today.
Blood Pressure: 116/68
Weight: +1 lb. since last week (+10.5 over all)
Slightly < 2 cm dilated
Baby's at -1.5 station (head down)

regarding my son

For twenty-something months I had a ritual with my beloved little son. Each night after getting all fresh and sweet smelling in his bath, putting on his cuddly pjs, brushing his teeth, and turning out the lamp, we'd rock - and rock - and rock in his room. And I'd sing him lullabies - any that came to mind. Sometimes the traditional ones like Twinkle Twinkle and Hush Little Baby. But sometimes random, off-the-wall numbers like "I can't make you love me" by Bonnie Raitt, "And so it Goes" by Billy Joel or "Edelwiess" from The Sound of Music. Over time we both came to prefer the not so traditional songs.

So we had our evening repertoire. Rocking and singing and snuggling my baby in my arms until I was good and ready to lay him down for the night. Then 6 months ago came his big boy bed. And for a little while we tried to keep up with our routine. But he loved his bed so much he began asking if I would just lay him down and tuck him in.

You guys, I'll be honest with you. I think back on all those nights - month after month- that I've had with my precious little treasure all to myself and I want that time back so bad. It just slipped away so quickly it makes my heart ache to think about it. The snuggly little babe has transformed into a walking, talking, climbing, joke telling, rhyming, creative, crazy smart little bundle of 100% boy. I can no longer hold all of his long legs in my lap. I can no longer nuzzle him to my chest while I sing him to sleep. I miss those things so much.

And at the same time I adore who he's becoming. He's so independent and bright. So much his own person, very much with his own ideas. He's the hardest playing and a most industrious little guy I've ever met. What a life-lover we have! He hits the ground running every morning when the sun comes up and doesn't stop until we force him to climb into bed at the end of each day. Joy just exudes from every inch of him. I love that at this stage in his life he's started to call me Momma again in stead of Mommy. He's so compassionate and kind (things I have prayed for him since he was born), always concerned about how others are feeling and eager to give comfort. He's observant, and sensitive, and funny, and complementary - tells me every day that I look beautiful and he likes what I'm wearing. (I have no idea why he started doing this.)

And did I mention smart? Holy moly you guys. I am really going to have to work at challenging him. He knows how to spell his 1st and middle names, counts to at least 20, knows his ABC's, lots of Bible verses and nursery rhymes, all his colors and shapes, our address and my mom's address, recognizes and identifies all the letters in his name, knows how to totally work the TV and DVD player, can draw circles (which is hard for kids), mimic the pitch of practically anything and play then exactly on his little piano, and all kinds of other advanced skills - like making coffee. Just the other day in fact he asked my mom at the dinner table what her e-mail address is.

I am so thankful for the wonderful gift and challenge God has given me in being his Momma.

When I think about how things are going to change in his life in the near future it just breaks my heart. His little world is about to get rocked. He loves the idea of having his little brother. He's showing so much enthusiasm for all the fun things they will one day do together. But he has no idea what's about to happen. I know that I cannot possibly be all the things to him I've been up until now. There is no way I'll have as much energy to go around. I am feeling very guilty about how much of his Momma my sweet son will be missing. I'm trying to soak up every second I have with him now. I just want to fill all his moments with as much love as I can pour out. I want to tell him how much he means to me a hundred times a day.

So the past few nights as I tuck him into bed I've been spending a little extra time cuddling with him and telling him as many stories about tractors, trains, bulldozers, or Curious George that he wants. Last night he asked me to hold him in the rocking chair and sing him some lullabies. I was so happy to oblige that I nearly forgot how with this big pregnant belly there's no lap left for him. We wiggled our way into a comfy spot though, and rocked until he was ready to lay down. Then after he got his blankets just the way he likes them he reached his little arms up, wrapped them around my neck, pulled my face down and kissed me square on the lips. He said "I love you with all my heart, Momma. Will you sing Edelwiss to me one more time?" Of course I did and this time he sang along - perfectly in tune. It was one of those moments you wish you could snatch up, put in a bottle, and keep forever.

Oh, and did I tell you he's full of surprises? Well of course! This morning I got out of the shower to discover the following scene...

Nekkid as the day he was born all sprawled out on his super soft blankie on the floor of his room. I asked what he was doing and he said "Oh, just relaxing on this softest blankie and waiting for you." He had taken all his clothes off to go potty by himself -thank you very much - then decided he would rather not get dressed after all. This kid just makes me smile!

p.s. Check out the tan line on that little bum! How cute is that?

Decisions decisions: Rethought

Well, here we are today - a mere 12 days until this baby boy's due date and one of my biggest stresses is that we have yet to decide on his name. So last night Manny and I had a discussion. We weeded out some of our less favorite names and talked about what each of the remaining ones mean. Then we went to bed still with no decision.

But, I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to mind (after having to pee - again) was the name I just knew we needed to choose. I thought about it over and over and found myself smiling each time. I decided not to mention it to Manny until he approached me.

So, later this morning he came upstairs and triumphantly said to me "Honey, I've decided what we're going to name the baby."
"Oh, you mean, you've decided the name you like and want to discuss with me?", I replied jokingly. To which he said something witty about me not wearing pants.

But when he did finally get around to telling me the name he prefers I was shocked to discover that it's the exact same one I had known we needed to use this morning when I woke up! So, it was decided! At last. I have to tell you, this is such a load off my mind. I think I've had a subconscious fear that he'd be born without a name and we'd have to make some rash decision at the hospital.

Now, would you like to know what it is?
Okay, okay.... without further adieu.

Ezekiel: Hebrew, meaning God will strengthen. Manny's paternal Grandfather's name.

James: Greek form of Jacob, which in Hebrew means supplanter. More importantly to me its one of my favorite books in the N.T. and my paternal Great-Grandfather's name.

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6/27/10
Ok, after some deliberation I think we've changed our minds on the middle name. I know, I know. All this time it took us to decide and now we've changed our minds already. But it's better to change now than after he's born.

Here's the thing, we find the meaning of names pretty significant. So, Ezekiel was easy -- God will strengthen is a great meaning. And fits this juncture of our lives perfectly too.

But James. It means supplanter. Which I googled and found it means "one who supplants". Oh gee, thanks. That clears it right up.
So I googled that and the definition is "usurper: one who wrongfully or illegally seizes and holds the place of another". In other words it means thief.

Not so great.

So at the risk of sounding fickle we're going with something more meaningful.

Joseph: Hebrew, meaning Jehovah will give increase. Plus it's my Dad's middle name. I'm much happier with this choice.

So there you have it. But let it be known that I reserve the right to change my mind at any time. We may take one look at him and decide he looks like a Melchizedek. Probably not though.

38 weeks + 1 day belly shot

All I can say when I look at this is : no wonder my back and hips hurt!

38 week doctor visit

It would be inaccurate to say that since I'm 38 weeks along today I have 2 weeks left in this pregnancy. Oh no. Now that would be super great, but I don't expect this little guy to arrive before his "due" date. On the contrary, I've been preparing myself all along for a 42 week gestation. I figure if I tack 2 weeks on the end I won't be disappointed.

I hate that people rely so heavily upon a date anyway. It creates false hope, makes a momma anxious, and sometimes makes doctors do things that aren't great for little ones (like induce or schedule c-sections before the baby is done "cooking"). After all, I haven't yet met a baby en utero who can read a calendar. I read recently that the man who came up with the 40 week gestation calculator died in the late 1800's and since that time science has shown that the average woman actually carries a baby for 41 and 1/7th weeks. So, I'm ok with going overdue -- in theory.

In practice, however, I'm READY. My body feels ready. Ripe, as they say. I'm starting to think of ways to move things along faster. I know from experience that nothing can truly bring on labor until its time. But I figure I can do my part to make sure it goes fast once it does start. Right?

Anyway, that tangent was brought to you because I went to see Dr. B. today. After checking for progress -- there was none -- she asked if I was counting on having this baby early. I told her not counting on it, but hoping. She said that's what she hoped I would say because she really doubts I will go early. Great.

As far as the doctor visit goes, I'm still doing fine. Here are my stats...

Blood pressure: 128/64
Weight: +0 since last week
Baby's heartrate: 150
Measuring on target
1.5 cm dilated
no effacement yet
baby's at -1.5 station

37 Week Doctor Visit

From now until this baby boy makes his appearance I'll have the delight of seeing Dr. B every week. Not that I mind - she's a nice lady and all. I'm just not a huge fan of the ol' pelvic exam part of it. Ya know?

So at this morning's check-up all was well. I've gained another pound since last week. (Bringing my total to 9.5) Blech. Must be all the chocolate malts. I've really got to cut back.

My Beta Strep test came back negative - super good news so I don't have to be hooked up to antibiotics during labor. Baby is head down and anterior (facing my back) the way we want. I'm still at 1 cm and -2 station. So no progress that she measured. But that's not to say other things aren't happening. I've been having some good Braxton Hicks contractions pretty frequently.

We went over my actual typed up birth plan this time too. (By the way, I was excited to learn she has 7 of her own children and advocates Natural childbirth.) She's totally on board with all my choices. Her only suggestion was that, though she'll allow me to eat and drink as I'd like, she doesn't recommend overdoing it because the contractions hinder digestion, leaving the stomach contents in tact, increasing the risk of vomiting. But she basically left it up to me. Throwing up is not a big deal unless they have to intubate me for some emergency.

She also checked inside my ear because... oh yeah, did I mention that MY JAW KEEPS COMING OUT OF SOCKET!? Yeah it's probably my least favorite thing right now. Hurts so bad I cry - literally. I was worried it was damaging my ear somehow because it constantly feels bruised inside. She said it's fine, just swollen, but nothing we can do about it.

Speaking of things coming undone. Holy hip replacement batman! This afternoon I took a little nap while Elijah slept, and when I got up I could not put any weight on my right leg. Come to discover my hip had popped out of socket too. Talk about painful. Oh. My. Goodness! It took an hour's worth Manny and me of stretching, rubbing, pulling, pushing, and rotating stuff for it to go back. And even then I don't think it went all the way back to normal. I couldn't walk right for the rest of the day. I feel like I'm totally coming unhinged. As of now the body parts which crack, pop, or come undone at will are: ankles, knees, hips, elbows, and jaw. So far, thankfully, my spine and shoulders are in good shape. This is so strange.

Also, it should be noted that Manny and I got to go on our first date in ages tonight. We had Hawaiian pizza at Turoni's. Then we topped off the evening with ooey gooey warm brownies with my Mom and Elijah. Good stuff. I know we're not very exciting these days, but it was nice to have some time alone as a couple for once.

37 weeks belly shot

Dude. I am swole. That's all I can say about it.
Also, I am 37 weeks today. Let the countdown begin!

Birth Plan

So I've painstakingly hashed out my birth plan wishes and decided to share them with the whole (blog-following) world. Call me crazy for putting it out there for everyone to see. But here's what I have typed up for the doctor/nurses...

Birth Plan for Sarah & Manny

Thank you for taking time to read this and helping us realize our childbirth goals. We have educated ourselves as to the choices indicated below and discussed them with our doctor. Our goal for this birth is for it to be as "natural" as possible. We do realize that complications may arise and in such instances we trust our medical caretakers. However, we request that any medical decisions be discussed with us first and that deviation from this plan only be offered in high-risk situations. If I am unable to make decisions for myself, my husband may speak on my behalf.

We define "natural" birth to include the following:

· Labor starts on its own without induction
· Bag of waters left intact until it breaks spontaneously
· Not using Pitocen (or other medication) to augment labor
· Freedom of movement throughout labor and/or pushing in any comfortable and effective position
· Only intermittent fetal, contraction, and blood pressure monitoring rather than continual
· No pain medication offered/given unless requested
· IV only if medically necessary, but IV port is OK (in left arm)
· Freedom to drink fluids (and eat) as necessary
· No episiotomy
· Delay cord cutting until it stops pulsating

Other items of importance to us include:

· During labor and delivery the following people are welcome: My husband Manny, our doula Mary, and my Mom Debby (and others if I request them at a later time)
· Skin to skin contact immediately following birth
· Husband to cut the cord
· Allow baby to nurse as soon as possible
· Spontaneous delivery of the placenta
· Only if needed, Pitocen may be administered after delivery of placenta to aid in uterine contraction
· We request that any medical procedures typically practiced on infants to be discussed with us before given to our baby
· We decline the use of antibiotic eye ointment - this has been approved by our doctor
· We request to be informed of baby's APGAR scores
· Baby is to receive breast milk only – no formula or glucose water
· Please inform us prior to giving any immunizations to our baby
· We welcome visitors, but request adequate time for recovery and bonding prior to allowing others in the delivery room. We would like to be informed prior to any non-family members entering the room.

T minus 28 (and doctor visit)

I intended to write this post 2 days ago, when I was "T minus 30". But since it's been busy around here and we've been doing awesome things like spending days with Grandma, going to the baby doctor, and taking dips in the little pool, "T minus 28" will have to do.

Or should I say... will have to due? Now that was funny right there.

Things are going pretty well on the baby front. I'm feeling about the same. Tried more easily, hips hurt at night, jaw pops out of socket, and generally feeling HUGE. But other than that, I can't complain. I know things could be worse.

My cousin Lindsay went into early labor because she had Eclampsia, Edema, and dangerously high blood pressure. She had her baby boy yesterday and she was just barely 34 weeks along. He had to be taken to NICU right away because his lungs and kidneys weren't ready. Praise the Lord though, he's breathing on his own today and doing much better. So, I'm grateful for the good health God has given me. I really am.

Anyway, I had my final ultrasound today. Mom, Grandma, and Elijah came along too. It was amazing to see him in 3D. He has chubby cheeks, sweet little lips, and the ultrasound tech said he has tons of hair (over an inch long already!). He weighed in at 6 pounds, 5 ounces. Heart rate was 151. And fluid levels are just right. Nice and healthy. After the fun part, Dr. B did a swab for beta strep and "while she was down there" checked for any progress. I'm a little more than 1 cm, but not quite 2. Nothing to get excited over. I walked around for weeks with Elijah much further along than this.

So, here's baby boy's first real photo!

As for me, here are my stats (at 36 weeks)
blood pressure: 124/68
weight: + 3 pounds (that +8.5 overall)

I'm really not complaining...

Good gravy, do I feel pregnant!

I think this time around things are so much different because I'm older, in worse shape, and never fully bounced back from being pregnant with Elijah.

My hips hurt constantly. There is no comfortable position I've found to alleviate this in order to sleep, or sit, or stand. I'm thinking I may feel better if I tried zero gravity. Like either on the moon. Or maybe a swimming pool. A pool is much more likely, so I think I'm going to give that a go in stead.

And thanks to a lovely little pregnancy hormone called Relaxin all my joints and ligaments are crazy loose. Like, pop out whenever they please.

My jaw keeps coming unhinged while I'm eating. It hurts worse than childbirth. Oh yes, it sure does. I know because I've experienced both. And with the jaw thing you can't have an epidural. (Not that I'm going to have one this time around. I'm just sayin'.) And you have to just press on the side of your head with force until the bone goes back into its proper place. Whereas during childbirth you have nurses to do that sort of thing for you. So yeah. Big ouch.

On the up side, I'm really flexible right now. Not Chinese circus lady flexible... but close. Kind of fun I guess.

Other that the hips and jaw I guess I'm doing fine. My energy level is surprisingly high - all things considered. I do get tired more easily than normal and feel like going to sleep around 8:00 pm. But I expected this. And I usually get a second wind right after Elijah goes to bed.

Oh yeah, and there's the issue of swollen feet. Another side effect of the Relaxin, so they say. They're not cankles or anything, just a little swollen at the end of the day. Particularly if it's a hot one. I suspect with the summer approaching and the pregnancy drawing to a close this will become more of an issue soon.

But alas, I am thankful to be in good health. And to be only 36 days from my "due date". (In other words, I might have this baby in about 46-50 days - I hope no later than that!) So I'm really not complaining.

Ordinary Moments: Memorial Day 2010

My little man going fishing with his Grandpa for the first time.

He even got a new Lightning McQueen fishing pole for the occasion!
I think my Dad enjoyed it as much as Elijah.

And who can have Memorial Day weekend without a watermelon?
When I picked it up at the store Elijah said "Mom, that watermelon is bigger than your belly!" Now that's my boy! :)
(34.5 weeks pregnant here)

34 week doctor visit

I'll be honest with you. Lately I feel very much like Humpty Dumpty. (and not in a good way) See? Pretty huge, right?



I just cannot believe how LARGE my belly is getting this time around. And to think - as of today I've officially gained 5.5 pounds in all. What if I had gained the "normal" recommended 15-20 by now? Can you say Fatty McButterpants? Ugh. By way of comparison, here's a photo of me 34 weeks pregnant with Elijah.


Crazy times.

So, I'm 6 weeks from my due date with little mister ALREADY! I went to see Dr. R today, one of my doc's partners. She's great too. I'm so thankful to have a group of super OBs in her practice. You know, just in case she's not on call when I deliver.

Anyway, the visit went fine as usual. We discussed the pros and cons of delayed cord cutting with her and she made me feel very confident in my decision to delay. This group of doctors is so easy-going and patient-friendly. It's amazing, compared to my other OB. She basically said that whatever I want I can have, as long as there is no danger or emergency. I'm stoked. My plan is to bring my finished birth plan when I go back to Dr. Brown in 2 weeks.

I also got a chance to discuss the insurance stuff with someone there. God is so good to me. He totally worked it out that I (by "chance") picked the exact right plan with Hoosier Healthwise so that their office would accept payment directly and we don't have to do anything crazy to get insurance to pay for it. In fact, the awesome part is that with this plan I don't have to pay a DIME. No copay. No deductible. No labs or radiology bills. Nada. How sweet is that? Huge weight off my shoulders!

So on my next visit we'll have another ultrasound and after that I'll be going every week until the end. I can't believe I'm at this point already!

And in case you wondered, here are my stats this time.
Blood pressure: 122/72

Weight gain: +2 pounds (that's +5.5 overall now!)

Measuring: 35 cm (on target)

Baby's heartrate: 147

Ordinary Moments: 5 pregnant cousins

This was taken last Sunday at my cousin Jamie's baby shower.
(She's 2nd from the left.)
Our due dates are 2 days apart but she'll probably go early.
We have 5 cousins who are to have babies this year.
It's going to be a crazy adventure! I'm excited!

Left to right:
Casi, baby Emmie (3 wks old), Jamie (32 wks), Sarah (32 wks), Lindsay (29 wks), Jenny (13 wks)

Checking in at 32 weeks + 4 days

52 days until my "due" date... which, by the way, I still take very lightly. I am getting excited about this time around because I'm planning an unmedicated birth. Reading lots of literature and meeting with my doula so I really hope to have the birth plan finished soon. It will be pretty simple I think.

I've been having freaky dreams lately. Last night it was an outright nightmare. I dreamed that someone drugged me unconscious, admitted me to the hospital against my will, did a c-section, took my baby and told me when I woke up that I was still pregnant but it would take another 10 months to have the baby because they miscalculated my due date. But I knew someone had taken my baby and I was crying and looking for him. So the nurses told me he wasn't my baby in the first place... that I had stolen him and they only took him to give him back to the rightful parents. It was horrible, I tell you!

My hips have started to ache. Like they are trying to disconnect themselves from their sockets. It's worse as the day goes on and sometimes keeps me up at night. You'd think that resting in bed would help, but it doesn't. When I lay on my side (because I always have to lay on my side) the hip on top just aches something awful. And I get myself all propped up with pillows between this, and under that. I wish I had a recliner to sleep in because that's the most comfortable position I can find. Oh well. I don't want to whine because it's almost over and I want to try my hardest to enjoy the end of the pregnancy.

Emotionally I'm feeling alright. As long as I don't think about the fact that my husband is still unemployed (aahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!), and my dad is really really sick, and I don't get any (NO NOT ANY) paid maternity leave. Other than that, things are just super-dee-duper.