Monday, February 15, 2010

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark"

There is something I've been wanting to talk about for a while. It's probably going to offend someone, but I'm kind of tired of keeping my personal thoughts out of my blog for the sake of drama. In fact, here's the thing, it's not even an offensive topic. It's just that I don't really know who reads my blog.... Pssstttt.... Lurkers, you know who you are!!!
And since I don't, I will assume everyone does. So, family members who read this (if there are any) I'm sorry if you think I'm putting my nose in where it doesn't belong. And... here goes.

There is someone I care about a great deal who is hurting and being wronged in a most terrible way. Their spouse of a good number of years (but the length of time really doesn't matter at all) has decided to leave. And despite council to both spouses that this is possibly the worst decision he/she could make, it has made absolutely no difference. In fact, once the announcement was made to the spouse, the decision was already so made - so set in stone - that no amount of compromise, wooing, or reasoning could be done to change it. The very best effort was made on the part of the one being left to save the marriage. But to no avail.

What of the two young children? What of the home and life they have built together? To an outsider like myself it seems as if his/her heart has hardened completely toward this one to whom they pledged to love and be faithful until death did them part. I was at the wedding. I personally witnessed these promises.

Why is it that marriage vows are taken so lightly these days? Does the phrase "I promise before God and these witnesses" mean nothing? It's just so hurtful and mind-boggling. But yet I know it happens in what seem to be the most loving of homes. I hate it! I really really do. I am heart-broken for the spouse who is left grieving and fighting for their family. I can see the defeat in the sad expressions and tired eyes. I want so badly to help, or offer some encouraging words. But I don't really know what to say. More than that, I want to deliver a swift kick in the pants and knock some sense into the one who wants to leave.

Here's where I'm fixin' to get preachy. Skip it if you want. I won't get mad.

Sure there are excuses. Selfish attempts to justify a wrong and life-altering bad decision. Oh, I wasn't appreciated, I need to "find myself", or I deserve to be happy.

But you know what? - No. No, you do not deserve happiness. We all deserve the ugliness and consequences of our bad choices. We were never promised happiness outside of the goodness of the Lord. Any good thing in this life only comes as a GIFT of grace from Him. We are not entitled. Who do we think we are anyway? Sinful, disobedient creatures - living opposed to God's plan - are in no way entitled to anything but sorrow. But this backward world we live in would have us believe we must put ourselves first. That we must seek our own happiness and comfort above all, and if we aren't being fulfilled we are free to look elsewhere. What about sacrifice? Selflessness? Honoring our covenants above our whims?

The fact is that what the world offers will never and can never lead to true happiness. You follow your own way, you go seeking to "find yourself", what you'll really find is grief. We live in a culture where most of us have become so self-centered that we forget the bigger picture.

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! (or me.) It's not about what I can get from a relationship. Come on, people!

[::steps down off soap box::]

I just think this whole thing stinks. It's wrong. And I hate it. And it really really stinks.


grace said...

here! here! amen and amen! Go go girl...and all those other things to say that I completely agree.

marriage is an everyday decision. It's an every day choice. Where we not only have to chose our spouse but we HAVE to give it to God.
The second we don't, we start to get selfish.

And don't anyone ever tell me, the kids will be fine.
No. they won't.

In divorce, no one ever comes out fine. in reality it is a living death. and it's no fun.
---end of my soap box.

Jilli said...

Girl! What great and profound words. You are a wonderful woman of God. I agree wholeheartedly!