Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Motherhood Maxims

I’ve been a Momma for two years now. It’s been amazing and wonderful! But despite what I thought was total parenthood preparedness, my mind has been frequently blown by what little I actually knew when I got myself into this game. So for those new moms out there, or those who want to be new moms someday, or maybe those who have forgotten the joys and woes of young-motherhood, I present to you…

My Motherhood Maxims:

There are approximately five million types and varieties of pacifiers, bottles, nipples, and sippy cups. You will probably only need one of each.

Your body makes as much breast milk as your baby needs. So don’t worry so daggone much!

A baby’s schedule does matter. And if you do it right, they can sleep all night by the time they're 8 weeks old. (It's true, I promise!)

You will never look back and regret holding your baby too much.

Just because a doctor says it, doesn’t make it true.

The "Mother's Intuition" is often right.

Expensive diapers (and wipes) don’t work that much better than cheap ones.

If the baby wakes up screaming at night when he’s 6 months old – he’s probably teething.

Nursing tanktops are fabulous inventions.

Also fabulous inventions: baby swings, vibrating bouncy seats, breast pumps, slings, Humphrey’s teething tablets, Jump-A-Roos, and strollers.

There is a difference between Onesies, rompers, bodysuits, undershirts, and t-shirts.

Baby Einstein videos help Mommies get laundry done and supper cooked!

Don’t panic over a little fever, just give your kid some Motrin and rock him for a while.

Baby food can be homemade for WAY cheaper than you can buy it at a store.

Old fashioned wooden clothes pins make excellent teethers.

It is not a good idea to place a child on the kitchen table. Ever.

No matter how many times they do it, Dads always dry heave when they change a poo diaper.

If you leave anything… I mean anything within reach… it WILL go into the baby’s mouth!

If you feed a child too much pineapple he WILL get diarrhea!

Eating boogers, dirt, rocks, sticks, dog food, and week-old Cheerios from the back seat of the car will NOT cause sudden death.

I know the difference between a hungry cry, sleepy cry, hurt cry, lonely cry, frustrated cry, or tantrum cry (I know it’s hard to believe my son ever throws tantrums!).

I also know the difference between:
~Bulldozers, backhoes, excavators, graders, scrapers, and bobcats.
~Tractors, combines, seeders, harvesters, plows, and mowers.
~Diapers, pull-ups, overnights, swim diapers, and training pants
~Old fashioned apple juice, organic apple juice, no sugar added apple juice, baby apple juice, and Juicy Juice.

I’ve learned the words to “All the Pretty Ponies”, “Hush Little Baby”, “Twinkle Twinkle” (yes there are other verses), and pretty much every nursery rhyme you can think of.

I know you do not have to use a wipe every time you change a wet diaper.

I know its okay for kids to sometimes drink sweat tea and eat cookies – their heads will not start spinning around on their shoulders despite what the parenting books say.

Babies can learn to swim.

Boys are hard-wired to love balls, climbing, trains, anything with wheels, and their own "boy parts". Heaven only knows why.

Every child does things in his own time so don't rush.

Kiss and hug your baby as much as you can while he'll still let you.

I know that it doesn’t matter what rule you make up, the Grandparents will always do whatever they want anyway.
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And that is just the tip of the iceberg, my friends.

3 comments:

Kristen McG said...

great list! Isn't it funny yet wonderful how being a mom changes us, teaches us, grows us, challenges us? I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world!!
Elijah sure is stinkin cute! Happy Birthday to him, a few days late!!!

Jeri said...

Love them! Sounds like you are ready for #2 :o)

Dreamer4agift said...

lol, great post!