discoveries of the invisible spy

When I was about 8 I wanted to be a spy... until I got caught and it totally ruined my plans. A shame, really. From then on I knew the only way to go in the spy profession was, obviously, to be invisible. (Ahem, I was 8, OK?)

However, if I were an invisible spy I can tell you that I would steer clear of peoples' bathrooms -- what, with all the pottying and nakedness that goes on in there. gross. But as anyone can tell you, the bathroom is where one's most revealing truths are hidden. I mean who hasn't been a party guest, excused herself to powder her nose, and sneaked a tiny peek into the medicine cabinet before she went back out?

I, of course, haven't done such a thing. no no no. (OK, except at my Grandma's house when I was a kid. But that's only because she always had really cool things in there like Epsom Salt, mouthwash, and crazy amounts of cotton balls. But that's not what we're talking about right now.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... denial. So, by seeing what is kept in a lady's bathroom I think you can tell an awful lot about her that she doesn't advertise. You know what I'm talking about. So, last night I was putting away a few things in my bathroom cabinet and started to wonder just what people would learn about me if they took a peek in there. Or for that matter, if they became an invisible spy in there for just one day. The invisible spy would naturally have the manners to leave if I were using the bathroom or showering. That's just common courtesy.

And this is what I think people would learn about me:

• I brush my teeth way more than the average person. In duration, yes. But also in the number of times per day.
• I love to floss. I love how it feels. I love that its so rewarding. (My dental hygienist probably loves that I love it too.)
• I have no fewer than 35 bottles of Bath and Body Works and/or Victoria's Secret product neatly organized on my shelf -- lined up by size, type, scent, frequency of use, and seasonal appropriateness.
• I use nipple ointment on my lips. It works wonders on chapped lips and even has a lovely gloss to it. And since I had so much left over from nursing Elijah, why not? :)
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE to q-tip my ears after a shower. Oh my gosh, I love it so much that I sometimes use an extra q-tip just for fun. But nothing ruins the experience faster than a toddler running into my legs full speed ahead mid-twirl. (ouch) That's why I often shut the door so he can't interrupt me.
• In one of my drawers I still have the positive pregnancy test I took when we found out about Elijah. The two pink lines never went away. :)
• I love me some free samples. I have a habit of ordering anything free from walmart.com whether I need it or not. And I keep them all in a shoebox under the sink. Sometimes they come in really handy. I mean, who doesn't like a tiny tube of toothpaste in his travel bag? And when we run out of shampoo or something, this little habit often buys me a day or two before I have to go to the store. Elijah also enjoys playing with all the little bottles and tubes.
• I don't have especially stinky arm pits, but you would think so by looking in the medicine cabinet. Last spring Meijer had a sale on deodorant, which I coupled with my very savvy coupon clipping skills, resulting in 8 free sticks of Lady Speed Stick. Enough to last me years. nice.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm off to see about folding and putting away some laundry before Elijah wakes up.

One more thing, Elijah's new favorite trick is hugging our legs, especially if I'm cooking or doing dishes. I admit I love it.