Wednesday, January 21, 2015

What we should have kept

I love to purge. Going through a closet and tossing out old, useless, out-of-date stuff just gives me a sense of satisfaction.

Last winter, during a bout of particularly bad cabin fever, I purged my house like it was my job. It felt so liberating. I love the idea of a minimalist lifestyle but never can seem to maintain it. I dream of one day having perfectly clean countertops and closets which are organized into neatly labeled stacks, baskets, shelves, and piles. Maybe that will be possible one day when we actually have closet space. Meh. Plus, we thought last year could be the year we'd have the energy to list our house for sale. (ha! Didn't happen. This year, perhaps?)

So last winter I got down to business. Along with boxes and boxes of old college papers, computer wires (do they reproduce in the desk drawers?), magazines I'll never care to read again, clothes that no longer fit, etc, etc. I gave away anything and everything baby related. My big boy Zeke was 3 and 1/2 so we don't need that bouncy seat, that booster chair, that infant bathtub, those burp cloths, bibs, teethers, tiny socks, that adorable snow bunting, the lovely wooden crib, and my favorite thing ever; the Jump-A-Roo.

If there were ever a necessary baby item it's the Jump-A-Roo. My boys LOVED it. I swear they must have spent 100 hours each in that thing between the ages of 5-12 months old. Bouncing as high as they could go and giggling those sweet baby belly laughs. When Zeke was finished with it I passed it along to my cousin Angela's little guy to enjoy. I wonder if he loves it as much as my guys did.

Anyway, it feels so good to purge. I got on a roll. The second Zeke outgrew a piece of clothing, I gave it away. Toys that no long interest them, gave them away. Toddler racecar bed, out of the house. We had to make room for their new awesome bunk beds!  Poor Zeke had gotten so tall that only half his body would be on the bed and the other half would be on the floor in the morning. Bless his heart. I did put that one off as long as I could because he so loved his race car bed.

Then 2 months ago I felt sad. I missed all those baby items. I wished I weren't in the season of life which requires no burp cloths, pacifiers, bouncy seats, and Jump-A-Roos.

And sadder still, was the change that came along with his new big boy bunk bed status.  My sweet cuddly Zeke, who up until 2 months ago, wouldn't sleep without being rocked (mostly by Manny), no longer wanted to be rocked before bed. Just like that. He wanted to be tucked in just like Elijah. Just a kiss and a hug and a blanket tucked around the tummy with his birds and his dolphin in the crook of each elbow. No songs and snuggles from Mommy necessary. I'm not ready for this part yet. I wanted to hang onto this for a while longer.

Some nights I beg him, and if he's sleepy enough and feeling needy enough, he will indulge me for a song or two in the rocking chair. And boy do I soak in those moments the way I wish I would have always soaked them in. Why didn't I enjoy that more when he was smaller?

So, that's how it happened. I caught baby fever again.

And you know what else?

I should have kept that Jump-A-Roo.