Friday, March 25, 2011

Aw, crap! (but not how you might think)

So I've had my dog, Annie, for 5 years now. We adopted her when she was a little older, so she came to us house-trained. She's never chewed anything besides wooden clothes pins and her chew toys. She's never had any accidents in the house either. And she never barks. Seriously, I think I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've heard her bark since we've had her. She's a great dog. But...

But, good golly, she must have eaten something.

Something rotten, and dead, and possibly radio-active.

Because when Elijah and I went downstairs this morning to grab the baby wipes I smelled SOMETHING. I figured she was just extra gassy. But the closer I got to the dining room I could tell... this was no ordinary dog fart.

I let her outside quickly, but the smell remained. I could not imagine she would have made a mess in the house. She's never done that before. But as the source of the odor beckoned me closer and closer to the dining room rug I could deny the truth no longer.

To say she made a "lil mess" would be like saying Chernobyl was a "lil accident" or "Houston, we have a lil problem."

I'm going to spare you the details, but suffice it to say a lesser woman (or a man) would have surely perished in the aftermath! I sent Elijah upstairs so 1) he would be spared the images and smells, 2) he would stay out of my clean-up path, and 3) he didn't need to see me in my HAZMAT suit anyway.

Once the carpet was sufficiently scrubbed, and Lysol filled every cubic inch of air downstairs, I headed back up to Zeke's bedroom, where I left him laying in his diaper (remember, I came down to get the wipes originally?). I made it half-way up the stairs when another smell hit my nostrils. This time it was pleasant (thankfully!) and I recognized it as the scent of Ezekiel's bedtime lavender lotion. It took me .0128 seconds to realize the reason I was smelling it. Elijah. I loudly called out, "Elijah, whatever you are doing... STOP NOW." while sprinting the remaining distance up stairs and to Zeke's room.

I found Ezekiel laying on the changing mat on the floor, laughing, kicking, and enjoying a nice massage from his brother. His very helpful brother, who had taken it upon himself to remove the lid from the giant lotion bottle and turn it upside down over Ezekiel's tummy. He was covered from head to toe in fragrant, slippery goodness. They were both having the time of their lives. When I asked Elijah just what he thinks he's doing he replied, "I'm just buttering Zeke up!" At least he's mindful of his brother's skin care needs.

So I called their Daddy into the room, informed him that I've just scraped up a pile of dog crap and think I've done my fair share of clean-up for this morning, so this one's all him.

And then I left for work.

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