Monday, April 26, 2010


Two days ago I cried.

Elijah I had spent the day at my parents' house on Saturday and I needed to bathe him before heading home. Normally he showers in the guest bathroom, but he requested to take one in my parents "waterfall" shower this time. So I set to gathering up his clothes and getting him ready. When we stepped inside to turn on the water I was caught completely off guard. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me when I saw a plastic chair sitting there beneath the shower. The kind you see in hospitals. The kind you see in elderly people's homes. The kind I am not supposed to see in my parents' shower!

So I cried. I cried for my dad. And I cried for myself. For the reality of it all. And for Elijah, who thought the new addition to the shower was exciting and fun. Because he has no idea how sick his Grandpa is and that things will never be the same again. Who still asks every Saturday if his Grandpa will be taking him to Rural King to see the tractors and eat popcorn. Who says in the most hopeful little voice "Grandpa isn't sick any more. He's going to come to my house and go fishing with me." And I cried for my new little son who will never have the chance to experience things the way Elijah did - with a Grandpa who could play and work outside with him, teach him to fish, and dig holes, and chop firewood, and wash the cars, and use the leaf-blower, and take him to Rural King on Saturday mornings.

I just hate this situation so much. It's so hard to watch him suffer.

As of today there are no improvements to mention really. But he did come in to work at the office for about 2 hours this morning. That was the first time he really worked while there in the past 8 weeks or more. He's been there before, but usually just sleeps or catches up on essential phone calls.

Anyway, I was glad to have him there for the little bit while he was able. It's good to see him do something beside sit in the recliner or lay in the bed. I'm sure he still felt terrible though.

My mom said last week's appointment with the internal specialist was productive. They have a sort of game plan, have been running blood work, and made an appointment for an endocrinologist and cardiologist in the near future. One thought is that his thyroid may be abnormal. Another big concern is now his heart. Seems all the medicine he's on and the shock this whole ordeal has put on his body have cause his heart to work in overdrive. His heartrate has consistently been between 125-130 for quite some time. This is dangerous over long periods. So they hope to figure some things out very soon.

We hired a new girl at the office too. She's good and knows what she's doing. Having someone else there is a huge relief for all of us! Plus, it's nice to have the company.

Now, if that miracle we've been praying for would just come through so we could go back to the way things were before...

We can always hope.


grace said...

hugs ^_^ praying for your dad.

Barbara said...

Morning Shoe~She,

I cried for you today, I felt the sorrow in your heart, I know it’s hard to watch your loved one struggle in a body that won’t function, feeling trapped inside a body of pain, not knowing where to go inside your mind to escape the pain. Wondering why is this happing, how did this come to be our Family’s struggle… so many question but very little answers. During this time you will feel helpless but, you will find the strength to get through this ordeal with prayer from yourself and from All of your loved one’s around you.. You’re not alone even though it may feel like it, Please don’t hesitate to call any time day or night my phone is always on. Love you all

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah,
I’m can’t tell you how sorry I am. I know how you feel. It hurt too much to see my Dad struggle getting up eating, standing, talking. I was there and I thank God for allowing me to be there with him even in his last days. I remember how strong he was when we were little he was our strong Dad. He would take us out every Sunday. We would always go to the mountains, we would always dress up and go riding around during the summer we would go the canyon. My Dad was our rock. We always had good times with Dad and Mom. So always remember the good times. The days will pass and we will all smile again.

Someone once wrote me and said
“ Take what God had given you and make the most of it. Don’t let he past determine the future and come loose know you will face what is in front of you. let go the hurts and pains forgive yourself the mistakes you have made and my even forgive God for taking your love ones. Let go of the negatives attitudes focus on Gods goodness”
Love, Gloria