Insecurity

I've been feeling kind of insecure about the pregnancy these last few days. See, I don't have the nerve to tell my family yet. Partly because I want to save the surprise for Thanksgiving (just 17 days away), and partly because I'm afraid of my Mom's reaction. Am I being stupid? I'm just so conflicted over the whole thing!

The other reason for my unease is my husband. Last week on 2 or 3 occasions I mentioned the baby or not feeling well or something like that and he replied "Well, you wanted this baby." Like he didn't. And of course, I got my feelings hurt. And I tried to talk to him about it, and ask him what he meant or why he said that. But he would reply, "I just don't want to talk about it yet. I still need time to be okay with it". And I'm all - EXCUSE ME? He's just being plain ridiculous! Frankly when he says that I want to say "I don't really care if you ARE okay with it. Too stinking bad!" or maybe "I didn't make this baby by myself, mister." Because... HELLO I'm pretty sure he knows how this happened too!! And as I recall he was a willing participant.

Anyway, I've been really struggling. Because I want so bad to be excited about this. But it feels like I have so much working against me. I mean, if my own husband isn't sharing this happy experience, and I feel like I can't tell my Mom, and I'm not telling my "in real life" friends yet (except you girls who read this), then who can I be happy with? It's sad, isn't it?

Yesterday, however, I think maybe Manny had an attitude adjustment. Maybe it's because he was in a better mood. Maybe he's had time to think it over. Maybe he heard me when I reminded him that "like it or not, we're having a baby, so he better not ruin this for me by being selfish!" (I paraphrase, but that's the gist.)

So we're driving home from church talking about keeping the secret until Thanksgiving and he tells me a story which I still have a hard time believing. Here's what happened, according to Manny.

You may recall that I took a pregnancy test on a Tuesday evening, thought it was negative, threw it away, dug it out of the trash because I wasn't sure, thought about it for a day, then showed it to Manny to see what he thought. But yesterday he revealed to me that he saw it sometime that evening sitting near the trash can, saw the two lines, knew it was positive before I did, said NOTHING to me about it, but called his boss and told him... His boss? HIS BOSS! Who happens to be one of our good friends. His boss's wife Carla knows us very well. And do you know what girls do when they find out someone is pregnant?

THEY TELL PEOPLE. Even if its just one person. Because we women cannot keep a baby secret. Are you kidding me? The first thing I want to do when I hear someone's baby news is tell someone else. It's not fun to keep that kind of stuff to yourself. Is it?

So I'm thinking for sure that Carla has told at least someone. And that somone is bound to tell someone, who will eventually tell my Mother. Who I DO NOT want knowing without my permission!

Oh good grief. I mean really? Do men even think these things through? When I asked Manny why in the world he would tell his boss he said "I don't know. I didn't think it mattered."

Say what?

Of course it matters who you tell. Duh. There is an order to these things. And guess what, bosses are low on the list. And also. The woman gets to decide who's in what order by the way.

And so, after my incredulous drilling of him for more information as to when, how, why, and what EXACTLY he said to his boss, I found out something equally as shocking. As if it could get more shocking. He finally told me that he told his boss on Tuesday night. And if you recall Tuesday night was the night I still wasn't sure myself. So now, if you followed all that, technically the boss knew BEFORE I did.

When it was all said and done I was shaking my head and laughing. Because for one thing my husband is so completely clueless as to baby news telling etiquette. And for another because do you think any woman in the history of women has ever found out she was pregnant AFTER her husband's boss knew?

I seriously doubt it.

So on the one hand, this is probably an all-time first.