So I thought. And thought.
This morning I agreed it would be fine to tell the family. So what if we don't do something all fancy. They won't know the difference. And after all the great ideas we had, I didn't use any of them. Oh well.
So, first we called Manny's parents in California. We put Gloria on speaker phone and then had Elijah say "Mommy habs a baby in er tummy". At first she didn't get it and he had to repeat himself 3 times. But finally she started to understand and Manny just came out and told her I'm pregnant. Her reaction was fantastic! She laughed and said, "Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Oh my God a baby! A baby! I'm so happy! Oh, a baby!" Like a gazillion times. It was wonderful to hear her genuine excitement!
Then we called Manny's sister Barb and his sister Eileen told them the same way. They were both thrilled too. Especially Eileen's family. We could hear them in the background hooting and hollering. Even the boys! What a sweet family!
Then this evening we went over to my parents' house. I was so nervous I couldn't find a good time to come out and say anything. I tried having Elijah tell my mom... twice... but when he did she just said "Ok sweetie". Even though he said it very clearly, I don't think she was listening or didn't understand. So when we were sitting down to eat I brought him up onto my lap and had him tell her while she was really paying attention. He had to say it 3 times, but she got it.
I was watching her reaction carefully. At first she was just looking at him trying to understand what he was saying. Then she heard him and repeated "Mommy has a baby??". Manny and I nodded. And she said "Oh, another baby! Well... guys. Yay. A baby." Then she hugged each of us. My dad said "Well... congratulations. When? August?" That's when we told them the "due date", and what the Dr. said about an ultrasound, and all the rest. Later Mom hugged on Elijah and kept mentioning him being a big brother. Ragon was really excited. She said "that explains why you've been feeling sick all the time". So, it must have been more obvious than I hoped.
Mom wanted to know if she could tell the rest of the family tonight at the ball game. We asked her not to because we want to tell Grandma in person at Thanksgiving.
Our last stop of the night was my Grandma Theresa's house. Same drill. Elijah told her. She understood right away. But her reaction was not at all what I expected. She was looking at Elijah the whole time saying "well alright, baby. alright." Like he was telling her he just got a new train or something. It took a long moment before she even looked at me. And when she did she just squeezed my knee and said "alright, a baby." Then a bit later she hugged me and held my hand and told me she is happy for me if I'm happy. I said I was glad she was happy because I was afraid she wouldn't be, judging from past things she's said. She said if it were hers to do over, she would not have had her kids so close together. She would wait at least 4 years. But this is my decision and she's happy if I am. I tried to remind her that her life was much different. Her kids were all 2 or less years apart, she had an alcoholic dead-beat husband, no family support, and was very poor. Also, my brother and I are 4 years apart and we are not friends. There was such a developmental gap that we had nothing in common when we were little. Then when we were older he made poor choices. I want Elijah to be friends w/his siblings. Plus, it's not like I'll have two babies at once. He'll be a month away from 3 when the baby comes.
Gosh, I hate having to rationalize this to other people. I hate the feeling that I'm 15 again and being scolded for a bad test score or a note from a teacher that I talk in class too much. I hate that when I told them I felt like a kid admitting to having broken a rule, waiting for the parent's reaction and punishment. I hate that I even felt embarrassed, like I had done something shameful.
I mean, seriously? I'm a grown up woman... with a husband... and a job... and a house with enough space... and insurance (albeit crappy insurance)... and a pretty decent brain in my head. Do they think I am a total moron? I could see the looks on both my mom's and grandma's faces. The look that says "well I'd better be supportive, but she really has no idea what she's getting herself into. poor thing. what a bad decision she's made."
What would she think of my friend with 5 kids, ages 7 and under? Or of several of my friends at church with less than 2 years in between kids and perfectly happy with their choices? It's not as if I can't handle it. Poop. Am I reading too much into this? Am I just overreacting? Maybe.
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In other news... While the past several days have been unbearable where nausea is concerned, today wasn't too bad. I have come to terms with eating every half hour to 45 minutes. (usually just crackers) Plus I prayed and prayed for mercy. I told the Lord that I cannot imagine how I would not die if this keeps up for another 2 months. So, right now I am counting my blessings that today I didn't feel like throwing up once!! Here's hoping it only gets better.
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