I swear! You will not believe me once you read this. But just know it's true.
If you know my husband you know that he has a VERY sensitive gag reflex. He still to this day dry-heaves when he changes a dirty diaper. But I don't think any of us knew just how sensitive it was until today.
So all seemed normal when we had a little lunch as a family and afterward went to the living room to watch a football game. Elijah was busy playing trains while I was sitting in the chair near him looking at a book. Manny was on the couch with his bare feet resting on the hardwood floor. This detail is important, just wait for it and you'll see why.
Now, we have a dog named Annie. And we live in the country. So Annie sometimes goes outside and explores without supervision. She has been known to find a stinky thing from time to time and consume it. No one knows why. But apparently that's exactly what she did today. Because I think it upset her tummy.
You see, as we were hanging out in the living room as a family, right after lunch, Annie came and sat next to Manny's bare feet. (She does that a lot.) And that's when it all started. None of us saw it happen, but I was the first to notice the licking and smacking sound coming from her. I looked down to discover that she had regurgitated whatever nasty thing it was she had ingested, along with a good deal of dog food. RIGHT ON MANNY'S FEET and shoes. And was EATING IT again!!!!
That part is gross enough by itself. But... wait... just wait for it...
Manny jumps up and runs to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. Meanwhile I snatch up Elijah to my lap so he won't get dog vomit on himself. I hear Manny from the kitchen already starting to dry-heave with the mere idea of what he's about to do. He yells to us "calm down everybody!" speaking to himself, obviously.
He returns to the puddle of throw-up with some paper towels and a plastic bag, he bends down, pulls his sweatshirt up over his mouth and nose, and starts to work. But he's not down there for 3 seconds before he's dry heaving again. He perseveres, bless his heart. Despite the heaving, he takes a towel and begins to wipe up the mess. But as soon as his hands actually touch the slimy, stinky puke, he's heaving even harder. And before I realized what was happening he was HURLING all over the floor, on top of the dog vomit, from a half-standing position.
I don't know if you've ever seen what happens when someone throws up from a half-standing position. IT SPLASHES is what. And that's when I lost it. I started laughing and could. not. stop. I'm not talking about a quiet polite giggle. I was all out, bent over, gasping for air, guffawing. I think I nearly peed my pants at one point. I was no help at all.
Not even when he puked a second and third time on top of the same pile. All I could do is stand on the other side of the room bent over in absolute hysteria! After the third puke I was HOWLING! My poor child kept looking wide-eyed from me to Manny and back again. I tried to reassure him that it was OK, Mommy was only laughing and Daddy was only losing his lunch all over the hardwood floor. But I am a little afraid he will be scared for life.
Eventually he did manage to get it all cleaned up. But I wasn't around for that part. I was banished to the other room because apparently "all that laughing is not helping one bit!".
And that is exactly what just happened at my house. What about you?