Monday, February 8, 2010

The Best-Kept Secret

I have discovered a secret - never mentioned in any pregnancy book and rarely even discussed among girlfriends. (I presume.)

The secret is that when you are pregnant and have already given birth before sometimes bad things happen when you sneeze. Namely, you can sometimes pee your pants. I say this... ahem... more as a public service announcement, than a confession. Just so you know.

And since we're on the subject of going pee... Weren't we on that subject?... anyway. I have made a secondary discovery to that effect. God, in His infinite wisdom, understanding an expecting mother's bladder, invented maternity pants. Those glorious garments with elastic bands where normally zippers and buttons would go. And do you know why we wear stretchy-wasted pants, ladies? No, it's not to accommodate your expanding abdomen. Here you silly people thought that was why all along. But no. It's so that once you have located a bathroom, run frantically to it, heaven forbid you wait in a line (dancing a cross-legged jig), and lock yourself inside the stall, the last thing you want to do is fumble around with buttons, latches, and the like. Hence, the invention of pants that come down with so little effort.

This can be both a blessing and a curse. Blessing when you just have to go, and go now. Curse when you bend over to pick up your two-year-old and your crack shows. But hey, we have to make our sacrifices somewhere.

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