Not Me Monday!

I am sure someone dropped my cell phone into their cup of coffee this morning, but it certainly could not have been me. No way! Afterward, there is no way I wanted to swear at the top of my lungs. I never lose my temper. Not me.

I love my son, but I could never have kissed his fat little cheek so hard it accidental gave him a hickey. Absolutely not! That would have been unacceptable.

It did not take me 4 days to put up, light, and decorate our Christmas tree. That would have been way too long.

In a sad attempt to force my son to stop playing in the closet, I know I wasn't the one to turn off the light, whilst he ran full steam ahead into the shelf, giving himself a bloody lip, bitten tongue, and nice big bruise on the cheek. No decent mother does such things. Not me.

I did not secretly worry when I woke up to see snow and sleet falling from the sky, knowing my husband would not be able to work for yet another day. I have a much better attitude than that. I would have been thankful for a day to spend at home with him, and of course, I never worry.

I did not pass an old college friend while leaving a store on Black Friday and pretend I didn't see her only to avoid a long and awkward conversation. No, I am not rude like that. Not me.

It wasn't I who walked into my bedroom to find my toddler son walking around with a bottle of KY warming liquid in his mouth as if it were a teether. I am so glad that didn't happen to me. That would have been very embarrassing.

I am not letting my son wreak havoc on the office right now as I type this because I am too lazy to stop him. Blogging is not that important to me. I never ignore my son. Especially when he's chewing on USB cords. Not me. That's just too irresponsible!

I am also not procrastinating putting him to bed because I have other things I want to do even though he is walking around with his passy and blankie and is whining. What kind of person does that? Certainly not me.